By Kinsey Confidential
I’m a man who was raped as a teenager. I was also raised with dubious Catholic sexual distortions that, for a while, made me falsely believe that masturbation = homosexuality.
I saw/heard your podcast “masturbating too much?” and was very pleased to hear your comments. Would the use of a “fleshlight” be improper or, a safer way to avoid injury, and get something closer a vaginal sensation?
My wife and I haven’t been able to have sex in years, and I miss the closeness. Thank you.
Thanks for the very nice email! I’m very sorry to hear about the rape (of course) as well as the sexual mis-information you experienced growing up. Far too many people still experience misinformation and/or shame as part of their sexual upbringing.
Yes, sex toys such as the Fleshlight and the Tenga provide significant stimulation and pleasure for many men during masturbation or even partner play.
They can be tighter and with greater suction than a vagina — so if you and your partner return to intercourse, toy play will likely feel different than vaginal intercourse — but the Fleshlight does offer a way to adjust the suction/fit to the preferred amount.
And you will also want to use lubricant with it, such as a lotion or a water-based lubricant, for more comfortable and pleasurable masturbation.
Kinsey Confidential is a collaboration of the IU School of Public Health and The Kinsey Institute. Debby Herbenick is an associate professor at IU and author of six books about sex including “The Coregasm Workout” and “Sex Made Easy.” Visit us at www.kinseyconfidential.org and follow us on Twitter at @DebbyHerbenick and @KinseyCon.
