A birthday wish for hope

Over their hearts were yellow ribbons on their Sunday clothes. Next to the ribbon, some had a yellow heart with the name 'Jill' written in script in navy blue, and some had a small red IU pin. Everyone was at the First United Methodist Church on Fourth Street not only out of faith but for Jill Behrman. Sunday, Jill turned 20 years old, and friends, family and even some strangers gathered to celebrate her birthday.\n"We are throwing a big party, and the guest of honor cannot be with us," Pastor Howard Boles said. \nJill Behrman, who had just finished her freshman year at IU, has been missing since May 31, after what was once a routine bike ride through Bloomington.\n"But we will celebrate as if she is here because deep in my heart I believe one of two things," Boles said. "The first possibility is that Jill is there somewhere and she knows that today is her birthday and she wonders what we are doing to mark that special day, and the other is that she is here in spirit and we need to be real honest and say this. We don't know which is the case, but in either circumstance we are going to celebrate because one way or another she is here."\nA large display of yellow roses shines in front of Ladies First, a choir group, that has begun the birthday celebration by forming a semicircle around the pulpit. The 200 people at the church silently look ahead.\nBrian Behrman is in the third pew.\n "A lot of times it feels like a dream," Brian said. "It feels like it's not really happening. This isn't something that would happen to us, in this town, to my family. You hear it in the news, but you think this doesn't happen to you, but it did and that's what makes it hit home to me.\n"My parents had called me (at work) the night before and said, 'Where's Jill?' I don't know, but she has a lot of friends. She's probably just out doing something with them. It was really weird, but it wasn't. It was just weird that her bike wasn't home, but I didn't think much of it because it was summer time, it was only midnight ' not that late."\nPastor Boles once again addresses the congregation as the choir quietly walks to their pews with their heads bowed. \n"My roommate called me at work and left a message with my boss because she couldn't find me," Brian said. "She said it was very important, so I called him back, and he said 'I didn't want to leave you this message, but your parents just called, and Jill still hasn't come home.' That's when it really hit me. So I called mom at work. No answer. Then dad at work. No answer. Then I realized that they would be home so I called there, and the phone rang and rang and rang, and no one ever picked up. Eventually I got a hold of my dad on his cell phone, and he was driving around in his car on routes he knew that Jill would ride on."\nThe pastor has drawn attention to a white, 5-inch wide candle. He says it's like candles that would probably be placed on Jill's cake before she got ready to blow them out and make a wish. This particular candle marks the gift of the day, he said, and much like its lasting flame it signifies the ways in which Jill continues to touch people's lives.\n"I remember it was 11-ish, I'm in tears. I mean, this is a major problem. They can't find my sister. I look up at my manager and say 'They can't find my sister; I've got to go.' I spent that day with my dad in his car just driving around. We drove along (Ind.) 45 probably back and forth toward Unionville six times that day. We went out to Lake Lemon a couple of times and got home at 4.\n"One of my friends had heard about what happened, came over and he and I went to the Student Building, scanned a picture of her and went out putting up fliers. By then she had been gone for 24 hours."\nStanding in the middle of the church, the pastor describes the impact the Behrmans have had on others. He describes how their strength has been an inspiration. He describes how their perseverance has guided them. He describes how their tears touched them. And he describes how his ministry is richer for knowing them and standing together in the uncertainty of these days. Heads are bowed, and a small prayer of hope is whispered. A moment of silence is given for individual prayers.\n"I remember I couldn't sleep very well and woke up at around 5 a.m. I got up, took a shower, ate some breakfast and took a flier I had and went to Kinko's to get a bunch of copies made. I went to small gas stations and just spent the day putting up fliers."\nThe a capella group Straight No Chaser, whose members are also friends of the Behrmans, begins a light rhythmic song. 'When you're weak, I will hold you/when you cry, I'll be your tears…'\n"The last time I spoke to her she came to my softball game. I play on my church team, and she and I were talking after the game about me taking her out to dinner because she was going to leave to go to camp as a counselor. So, we were talking about when would be a good time to get dinner, just the two of us, and the last thing I said to her was 'OK, I'll call and talk to you later,' and she said 'OK, see you later,' and that's the last thing I said to her."\nJunior Brian Kelly moves forward and begins a solo of "Amazing Grace." \n"Amazing grace/how sweet the sound/that saved a wretch like me/I once was lost/but now I'm found…"\n"One time I don't know how this happened, but we ended up in an argument. We were on the bus back home from elementary school and I got really upset, and I had the key to the house," Brian said with a small laugh. "I was in sixth grade, and she was in fourth. When the bus stopped, I ran out and left her locked outside for an hour. I don't even remember what the argument stems from, but that's one of the things I really remember."\nThe singing stops, and everyone is reminded they are here with mixed feelings to celebrate the life of a very special person on the day of her birth. And that they are still waiting for news of her whereabouts. \n"Jill is very athletic and is in good shape. On her bike, it would have been really hard to stop her unless you're someone she knows, which makes me believe it might have been someone she knows. But there's always a possibility because when she rode she wore a radio. I told her it wasn't safe because you can't hear anything but anyways, maybe she was sitting on the side of the road, fixing her bike or something and had her back toward the person.\n"It's hard to say exactly what happened. It could have been someone she knows, and it could have been someone she didn't know, and that's everybody in the world," Brian said. "My assumption is that it's somebody she didn't know, because it's hard for me to believe that someone she knew would do something like that."\nEveryone is asked to stand up and holds hands to form a circle of friends as a moment of prayer is shared.\n"The hardest thing is not knowing where she is, not seeing her, not being able to talk to her for over three months. Like I said we were best friends, and this is the longest I've gone without talking to her or seeing her."\nAs the service finishes, members take small prayer notes they wrote before the service and tie them to a yellow string attached to a bright yellow balloon. \nA father embraces his weeping daughter; a friend wipes tears rolling down his cheek; a woman offers some words of encouragement as she takes another tissue out of her pocket. It might seem odd that people with red watery eyes and runny noses have gathered to sing "Happy Birthday" outside a church, but today it is quite appropriate. After all, this is a celebration for a very special birthday girl.\n"I think about her a whole lot. I still carry her senior picture in my wallet, and it's not the most recent of pictures. But that doesn't matter to me.That's the only way I can see her unless I want to look at a sign that says 'missing' in big bold letters while I'm looking at it, and that isn't always the way I want to see her face. I think about her every day. Every day, every hour, at least once, all the time."\nThe crystal blue sky is splashed with yellow balloons that take with them the hope of many.\nThere is a $50,000 reward for information leading to the arrest and conviction of the person or persons responsible for Jill Behrman's disappearance. Call 349-3313 or (800) 937-3448.