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Thursday, Nov. 14
The Indiana Daily Student

Ask the Sexpert

Dear Sexpert,\nThere's this guy I sleep with on a fairly regular basis. He's not really my boyfriend; it's more like we're both each other's last-call hook-up, if you know what I mean. Anyway, he once drunkenly confessed to me that he's a bed-wetter. I thought it was a little weird, but I really didn't care that much until I woke up one morning and discovered he had peed in my bed! Of course, he was really embarrassed and I was pretty disgusted, but now I don't know what to do about it. What's wrong with him?\nStuck in the wet spot

Dear Wet Spot,\nFirst of all, demand that he wash your sheets for you. Then maybe you should address the issue by having a little talk with him.\nWhile it has been known to happen, grown men really shouldn't have bed-wetting problems (at least not until they're quite a bit older, when they can qualify for incontinence). It could be indicative of a more serious health problem, which means he should hurry himself off to a urologist before it's too late.\nMy guess is that his little bed-wetting problem stems from excessive use of alcohol. It sounds like the two of you carry out your little "last-call hook-up" arrangement fairly regularly, so both of you are probably drinking too much. Sometimes, people drink themselves stupid and then pass out into such a deep sleep, the urge to pee simply isn't enough to pull them out of their slumber. If Mr. Pee-Wee has trouble remembering events from the night before, drinks a lot when he's alone and has erratic sleeping and eating habits, he should get himself into an alcohol-addiction counseling program, pronto. (And maybe you should too, for that matter.)\nI realize that you may not feel entirely comfortable approaching these topics with a guy who hasn't even attained boyfriend status, but if you can't remember the last time you saw him sober, then he really needs some help. \nBut hey, he's already peed in your bed, so that whole can of worms has already been opened. Rather than storing it away as some awful experience that you both cringe at the mere thought of, try to use it as a catalyst for getting help. If he doesn't get help soon, stained sheets are going to be the least of his worries.

Dear Sexpert, \nThe other day, I was in my girlfriend's bedroom and I found a stack of pornographic magazines under her bed. At first I was shocked. I didn't even realize that girls looked at porn, let alone someone like my girlfriend. But the more I think about it, the more hurt and angry I become. Does the fact that she likes to read porn mean that I'm not satisfying her sexually?\nCuckolded by a Magazine

Dear Cuckolded,\nFirst of all, what are you doing poking around under your girlfriend's bed, Mr. Snoopy? This is why snooping through people's stuff is so dangerous: You find something suspicious and immediately jump to conclusions before getting an explanation.\nAnd secondly, Surprise! Sometimes, girls like to look at porn, too! It's long been said that women are less stimulated by visual sexual images than men are, but the fact is, sex is interesting to all of us, and so is the human body. Sometimes, it's just fun to look at.\nThirdly, the fact that your girlfriend has a little porno stash under her bed is in no way an indication that she's not satisfied with you as a partner. I mean, just because you're madly in love with your girlfriend doesn't mean you're not just a little bit curious about what Britney Spears looks like naked, right? And just because you're a little bit curious about that doesn't mean that you actually want to sleep with Britney, or that you'd rather sleep with her than your girlfriend, right?\nMy advice: Ease up a little. Ask your girlfriend about the porn stash (this means you have to confess to snooping, so be prepared). For all you know, she was just mildly curious. Or maybe she needed it for a class project. Or maybe she was so turned on and inspired by those lurid pictures and trashy captions that her sexual appetite has increased ten-fold, and she's just dying for you to go over to her house right now so she can rip your clothes off.\nLastly, if you are truly morally offended by pornography as a whole, share your views with your girlfriend. I'm sure she will be sensitive to your feelings. Or at least she'll look for a better hiding place.

The Sexpert is back! Send questions and comments to jfinkel@indiana.edu and look for the Sexpert Tuesdays in the IDS.

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