No one to blame but myself

Blame. In the last week or so, a series of events occurred about which I was prepared to write my column. To some people, the events were inconsequential, but they bothered and upset me. \nI was going to write about how the Business Placement Office caters only to a small percentage of the University. Or, I was going to write about how people can complain about the actions of others and then turn around and do the same thing.\nIt wasn't until I looked at things in retrospect that I realized I have no one to blame but myself. It is so easy to lay the blame for things that go wrong on other people; it's comforting. We might not openly blame a group or person for the things that don't work out, but we often do so unconsciously. I have recognized this tendency and strived to avoid this trap of blame. But for one reason or another, recognizing it isn't enough. We must act to overcome the feelings we get when things don't go the way we expect. Nothing in life ever lives up to our expectations.\nGrowing up I dreamed of being on the football team's starting lineup. From seventh grade through my junior year in high school, I always started at whatever position I played. But when senior year came, someone who had been a few strings below me in the previous year started over me. I was crushed; this was not how it was supposed to work. I blamed the coach for not giving me a chance, and I made many other excuses for why I didn't start. I couldn't think of it as my fault. But I should have said to myself, "Things happen for a reason." I didn't understand then, but I realize now I could have done other things to deal with the situation.\nI'm not suggesting you always blame yourself for things that go wrong. Instead, examine the situation to see if you could have taken any other action. If you do, you'll know what you can do next time the situation occurs. \nSometimes, things happen that are completely beyond anyone's control. It has been said before that "there is no one to blame but yourself," but I don't think that's always true. There are times only human nature is to blame. \nI remember a time when I really liked this girl. We were good friends, and it seemed she was interested in me. One day, I decided to tell her how I felt, but it didn't work out as I had imagined. She told me, instead, that she wasn't interested in having a boyfriend. It wasn't the response I wanted, but I understood. \nA few weeks later, she started dating another guy. \nI blamed myself for the reasons she didn't want to date me. It wasn't until some of the more recent events in my life that I realized there was nothing I could do. You just can't make someone like you in a romantic way if they don't. I couldn't blame her, nor could I blame myself. That situation was out of anyone's control.\nWhat I am offering you as a reader is the advice to keep these things in mind when situations don't go your way. Ask yourself: "Was there something I could have done, or is this beyond anyone's control?" I hope it will make it easier for you to deal with the problems that arise in your daily life. \nReflecting on why situations occurred won't always fix the problem, but it will help you deal with similar situations in the future. Then, things might go better, and you won't have anything to blame on anyone.