Staying strong to the finish

Ah, the Olympics.\nThe fanfare, the pageantry, the pride. Millions of spectators stand in awe of the grace, power, determination, skill and beauty of athletes hailing from around the world. \nNot to mention their tight abs! \nMeanwhile, back in the States, my roommates and I are jokingly engaged in the "Eating Olympics." We have several categories: carbs, sugars, cookies and lard. I'm competing against three formidable and worthy opponents, but I'm proud to report I am well on my way to bringing home the gold.\nI'd have to say my greatest skill is my eating stamina: It's all about endurance. The games begin innocently enough with a humble sandwich upon my return from classes. I gain momentum with carbs while I study: crackers, cereal, a good ol' hunk of bread. Dinner time is where my depth comes into play. I'm good with the appetizer, stay strong with my side dishes, maintain momentum with the main course and sail home in the dessert category. \nJust as Romania came out of nowhere to upset the Russian Federation team for women's gymnastics gold, I stay steady to the finish with surprise performances as the evening wears on. Out of the corner of my eye, I see a competitor gaining with an unexpected bowl of ice cream. I counter with the Double Ewald: An even bigger bowl of ice cream swimming in hot fudge.\nWell, well, well -- what do we have here? A roomie snuck upstairs with a Diet Coke and a bowl of Chex Mix. Cute, but really, a feeble attempt to thwart my regular soda and bag of Goldfish. \nA gold of cellulite, a silver of fluctuating weight gain and a bronze of clogged arteries is just on the horizon. But as the games go on and the charm of competitive eating wears off, doubt and regret come into play. Perhaps these are the biggest obstacles in the path to Eating Olympic glory.\nBut not to worry, for a new game is just gearing up: The Diet of Good Intentions. And how does one succeed in this competition, you ask? Here are a few guidelines:\nRule number one: Since we know we're going to start dieting tomorrow, we must eat as much as humanly possible today. This is the point where we stop competing with one another and start encouraging every athlete for the benefit of the team.\n"Ew. These candy pumpkins are making me sick!"\n"You start your diet tomorrow! Keep eating!"\n"But I don't even really like these!"\n"What kind of an eater are you? I said keep going!"\nRule number two: Always exercise in pairs. That way, you can talk each other out of really working hard. \n"Hey, what's that on your face?"\n"I don't know. I think it's sweat!"\n"You'd better stop."\n"Yeah, thanks for looking out for me, man!" \nRule number three: Lie like a rug.\n"Do I look fat in these pants?"\n"Umno?"\n"Really, what do you think?"\n"I know, let's order cheese\nsticks!"\nRule number four: Share and share alike.\n"Hey, will you help me finish off these cookies?"\n"Sorry, on a diet."\n"Please? I start my diet tomorrow, and if these aren't gone, I'll totally fail." \n"Well, OK, but just as a favor to you."\nAnd rule number five: Putting on the team effort.\n"Hey, we're going to order pizza. You in?"\n"No, I think I'm fine with my rice cakes and diet water."\n"But we're all doing it. Come on, it will be fun!"\n"Well, OK. But tomorrow, I'm going to work really hard."\n"We know, Laura, we know."\nAnd there you have it, folks, a few simple steps to help guide you through these 16 Days of Glory. Whether you and your friends decide to compete in the Eating Olympics or the Diet of Good Intentions, remember the true spirit of the games is teamwork and fun.