A turn for the surreal

It has taken more than 21 years. Twenty-one years for me to realize one thing.\nI know almost nothing about anything.\nI apologize to anyone looking for insight in this column. \nThe picture of that guy on the left isn't the picture of a knowledgeable, well-adjusted human being. That smiling idiot over there is exactly what he looks like. A smiling idiot.\n But before you put the paper down to pontificate on why you've been wasting your time, I thought I'd tell you about what I do know.\nThe one area where I do have expertise is being an Asian guy. That might not sound like much, and it doesn't pull any weight in most social circles; but being Asian is cool.\nOK, sorry. Who am I trying to fool here? That last comment might have been a little over the top. \nBeing Asian is not that cool. It actually falls more into the realm of surreal.\nMost of the time, I wonder if the events occurring in front of me are actually happening. \nMy really good friends (who are known idiots themselves) like to have these heart-to-hearts with me about my ethnicity.\nThey tell me things like I don't act like a typical Asian person.\nWhat that statement means exactly is a mystery to me. But I'll go ahead and still take a shot at it.\nThe reason I'm such an "atypical Asian" is that I seldom curl up with a good math book at night. I don't have a Chinese accent when I speak English, and I am not short.\nCan you see the blanket of stereotypes I've just knitted?\nBut life really does take that turn for the surreal when you find out you're the punch line to an extremely bad joke.\nIt doesn't bother me that much when my friends make the occasional Asian one-liner, because they know my race is only a small part of my idiocy.\nThe thing that drives me crazy is the great divide that separates Asian males and females. \nThere are parts of the outside world which believe that Asian girls are exotic and beautiful. They are suitable for anyone to take home to the family. \nThere are no parts of the outside world like this for the Asian male. \nThe popular notion is that we are incapable of having any fun. We go to the library Friday nights, and that's usually not a good first date for most girls. So, we're written off before we're given a chance. \nIs this unfair? Certainly. Is it an exaggerated version of the truth? Of course. \nBut it wouldn't be funny if it weren't a little bit true.\nJust try to imagine what it's like to have a permanent bull's-eye on your chest. Picture that every time you go out with your friends, you're the one stuck between the cross hairs. \nYou're the kid with the jet-black hair and the eyes that never turn red in photos. You're the one picked for the basketball team after the kid with one leg is already taken. \nThis is my life.\nI'm the kid with the slanted eyes. But I do have an open view of the world. \nMy ethnic background will never be ignored, but I hate how people always play the race card before I'm ever in the game.\nI am not that Asian guy, Michael Moy. I am Michael Moy, a guy who happens to be Asian.\nThat's all I really want people to see. And if that happens, who knows? Maybe I'll know something different at the end of my next 21 years.