Beauty and the 'Bots

It's 4:55 p.m. and I'm dialing a secret number. I tell the person on the other end the secret word, and presto, I'm on hold, waiting to talk to Donna D'Errico, feature interviewer on Comedy Central's "BattleBots." It's a show where elite tinkerers come to fight their robots to the death Spartacus-style in front of a crowd that cheers as their creations get ripped to shreds, spewing gears and buzz saws.\nDonna D'Errico is probably best known for her role as Donna Marco on "Baywatch." Actually, if you're a guy, you probably know her as Playboy's Miss September in 1995. If you liken yourself to the characters on Mystery Science Theater 3000, you might even know that she starred in the 1999 film: "Candyman: Day of the Dead."\nI'd never heard of Donna, but someone on my hall would gladly hammer a nail through his skull for her -- he told me to ask her for an autographed copy of Playboy. \nActually talking to her turns out to be more difficult than I anticipated. I'm soon on a conference call with about 15 other reporters. Somebody who obviously knows about the show referees us. \nI ask what roles appeal to her. \n"The kind where I don't take myself too seriously," she says, mentioning that she loves zany, off-the-wall humor, like in "Airplane." \nI then ask what attracted her to "BattleBots"? \n"There's a uniqueness to it. There's absolutely no show on TV like it ... I'm out of place on the show, and I think that adds to the humor." \nSome reporter asks who would win if the Battlebots fought the "Baywatch" cast. Donna tells her that the BattleBots would win in about 30 seconds. \n"Unlike the cast of 'Baywatch,'" she says, "the robots are what they appear to be. On the show, we were just pretending." \nI don't get to ask if that means all of the "Baywatch" women were legally required to get fake boobs because another journalist asks if Donna had trouble finding a role she really liked after "Baywatch." \n"No, I kind of purposely turned down stuff coming my way that I didn't want to do. 'Baywatch'-type stuff I wanted to stay away from," she replies. \nSomebody asks Donna what she would do if a BattleBot came after her. \n"Run, really fast," she says. "I don't know, realistically. They're in that big, huge cage. But outside the cage, you could really get injured." \nNo kidding. On the show, some robots weigh as much as 350 pounds and can go almost three whole minutes without breaking down.\nDonna insists the arena is safe and even suggests that it needs more buzzsaws and obstacles to vivisect the robot combatants.\nAnother intrepid reporter asks if "Battlebots" could lead to violence. \n"Oh no, not at all," D'Errico says, explaining that she even lets her kids watch the show, "because it's not humans out there, they're only machines...there's no human contact, it's all fun." \nShe also says the closest thing to "BattleBots" on TV is wrestling and the Indy 500. But, she maintains, "There's nothing quite like it because the stars on the show aren't human. That makes it unique."\nLeft to her own devices, Donna would design a BattleBot that would get the happy juices flowing. "I think it would be shaped obviously feminine like a Fembot from 'Austin Powers' with frills coming out of the breasts." \nAfter a few more questions, it's my turn again. \n"Do you feel posing for Playboy sends a negative message to women or does it have artistic merit?" I ask. \n"I kinda did it for the money, and I have no qualms about it," she responds. \nThe referee tells me to stick to questions about "BattleBots." I backtrack and ask if she destroys things for fun. \n"No. I can't say that I do," she answers. \nMy turn again. \nI ask how can you be so comfortable around people who make 114-pound robots that spin a spiked sledge hammer around at 60 mph, or something to that effect. \nShe explains that she gets to know them while they assemble their bots before the show. She describes the robot-builders as "...all really normal, nice people. Very intelligent." \nSpeaking of nice, intelligent people, one brave soul asks Donna to define her relationship with Nikki Sixx, a member of Motley Crue -- yes, another guy from that band has bagged a "Baywatch" babe. \nOnce again, the referee tells him to stick to questions about the show. \nThe brave soul continues: Does Nikki Sixx like the show? \n"Yes," she answers. \nDoes Nikki accompany her to the show? \n"No"