Gaydar Operation 101

Hey girls! I'm not like most guys. I don't have a Sarah Michelle Gellar screen saver. I don't have empty bottles of beer stacked up in my dorm room window. I'd rather help you shop for clothing than take it off of you. And best of all, I have superhuman powers. You heard me. It's called gaydar…ever heard of it? If not, don't worry. You're not alone. \nIt was just added to the 1999 edition of Webster's dictionary, making it one of the newest words in the English language. It's defined as "a sixth sense that gays seem to possess that lets them identify other gay people, sometimes before they even open their mouth." Sound freaky? Well, as supernatural as it might sound, it does, in fact, exist. So being a bonafide gay man, I thought I'd share with you the details of my extrasensory prowess.\nIf you haven't figured it out yet, the word gaydar is a mix between the words "gay" and "radar," conjuring up images of well-dressed men with signal receptors attached to their heads. Well, I must admit that gaydar really isn't a biological anomaly, nor is it a superhuman power, as I mentioned before. I can also assure you that we don't have antennae implanted into our skulls. I mean, geez, that would totally mess up the hair-do. \nIt's actually a socially developed skill characterized by a heightened awareness of the many nuances and stereotypes of the gay community. I've spent my entire adolescent and post-adolescent life looking for people like me … people with whom I can identify. Living in a heterosexual world, gay people have to learn to pay more attention to the people around them, or they'll never find dates.\nSo what do I look for when I go out on the prowl? Tipped hair? Shiny black shoes? Well, both of those are slightly incriminating, but that's only scratching the surface. Let's say I'm at the College Mall and a guy walks up to me. I'll notice the flip of a hand, the style and brand of clothing, the neatness of the hair, the look in his eyes, the status of his fingernails, the timbre of his voice, the way he crosses his legs and the way he walks. \nGranted, these are more than a little superficial, but keep in mind that I make this first judgment within the first few seconds, so superficiality is my only gauge at this point. Not surprisingly, the first judgment is often correct. Once we get to talking, I notice the slightest nuances of his personality that might indicate whether or not he's gay. One of the biggest indicators is actually a lack of that typical male cockiness that you sometimes find in straight guys. For example, if a guy says to me "whuddup, yo," at that point I've already concluded that exhibit A is most decidedly straight. \nNow don't get me wrong here. I'm not saying that every gay guy has perfect hair and crosses his legs like RuPaul. I'm not saying that a gay guy never says "yo." But keep in mind that the gaydar is just a "probability indicator," if you will. It's not infallible. Even I find gay people now and then who don't fit any of the stereotypes I mentioned. This, believe it or not, is a wonderful thing. \nA modern, open-minded society will teach you that stereotypes are wrong. But as it turns out, we gay people use these stereotypes to our advantage. Speaking on behalf of my own experience, I'll often "flame out" when I'm with someone who I think might be gay. You might call it a "mating dance" of sorts. \nBut don't laugh, you're all guilty of the same concept. For all of my straight readers, imagine meeting someone of the opposite sex who you wish to impress. Guys will act macho, and girls will act ... girly. Of course this is a generalization, but you've seen it happen, because I know I have. \nYou might notice that I haven't talked much about detecting lesbians. To tell you the truth, I speak for many gay men when I say that it's more difficult to identify a lesbian with the ol' gaydar. This makes sense, however, because, as a gay male, I've become sensitive to the nuances of gay men. Frankly, lesbians don't "trip my trigger." Ask your local lesbian and she'll say the same thing about us. We gays and lesbians work well together toward a common cause, but when it comes to finding a date, thank God for gaydar. \nSo girls, you can now be confident in knowing the power of the gaydar. And don't fret, lesbians are cool. And with an estimated 10 percent of IU students being gay, you're likely to find one. And guys, don't get all uncomfortable when a gay guy looks at you funny. He's probably just testing out your gaydar. So give him what he wants. The truth … and a big "Whuddup, yo"