TGIF and human sexuality

Forty minutes of last Friday was spent with a stack of 100 questions on pink attendance sheets and Brian Dodge's intrepid Human Sexuality class. Too little time, too many questions, but it was the first time I'd been given written questions by a class, and it suited the 40 minutes just fine. I brought the questions home with me, and thought I'd answer a few:\nDo you feel different than before infection?\nYes, and oddly the same.\nWould medicinal marijuana help your symptoms?\nWhoa yes!\nDo you believe in God?\nYes, much to the disappointment of my atheist friends. It is a constant challenge, but I don't mean that in a negative sense. Certainly I've been the recipient of 10 times the mercy I've ever shown. It's difficult to understand that imbalance.\nHow has your emotional life been affected?\nI experience small things more intensely and big things less intensely. I relentlessly plan the future but live only today. I'm more interested in telling people how I feel about them if the feeling is good, and less interested in telling people how I feel about them if the feeling is negative. \nCan you still have sex, or if you have a partner, what do you tell her about having it? What do your parents think?\nI kiss him good morning and good night, pinch his rump and tell him he's the cutest and smartest thing on Earth. I doubt my parents think much about me having sex.\nAre you scared?\nYes and no. I'm scared of pain because I'm a big wuss. I'm not scared of death, although I want to drop dead very fast when it happens. I'm scared of outliving my time, or of being the last positive man on Earth.\nHow many partners have you had sex with?\nUndoubtedly more than you.\nHow long have you lived with HIV?\nPersonally, since Dec. 22, 1997, around 2 p.m.; Socially, since 1981.\nHow can you live in a culture that looks down upon and discriminates against people with HIV?\nThere are many people who are educated about the facts of HIV, but harbor personal prejudices against the people they perceive as more likely to have it. There are far more people whose hearts and minds are open to everything but hate and fear. It's always been my hope that by writing this column and speaking when I can, I can normalize the topic of HIV. I can take the jargon out, throw the slogans out and just connect -- person to person. If you don't like your culture, change it. \nHow do you survive?\nI laugh as often as possible. \nHow do you find the inspiration to get up and speak to others about the disease?\nI owe God a favor. \nDo you have a sex life?\nI'm married, and some people say that isn't a sex life. It is. \nHow do you maintain a "normal" life, or do you? \nI stopped having a normal life almost three years ago. I decided I only wanted to have an incredible life. \nHow do you cope with thinking about the future since you know you could get AIDS eventually?\nI already have AIDS, and the future is now. \nDo you feel comfortable having sex with others knowing that you have AIDS?\nI feel an added burden of responsibility because my partner, Chuck, is negative. I do not have any type of sex in which an accident could happen. I don't have any partnerships or sex outside of my relationship, but I wrote a column about a date I had, and one about meeting someone when Chuck and I separated for a while.\nWhat percentage of Americans live with HIV/AIDS?\nI've seen various statistics ranging from 0.05 percent to more than 1 percent. I generally believe it's under-reported.\nDo you ever feel any physical pain?\nMostly joint pain and stomach pain -- dear God, give me the acid blockers!\nHow would you know that you have HIV?\nHave an HIV test on at least a yearly basis. Always test with an anonymous clinic; never pay a private physician's fee for the testing. Make a list of your risk behaviors. Are you having unprotected sex? Are you sharing needles to tattoo, pierce or shoot smack? Be honest with yourself -- HIV will be straightforward with you. \nDo you fear what is to come?\nOnly job interviews.\nHow do you maintain control of yourself?\nI remind myself I'm the luckiest guy I know. \nWhat would be the one helpful thing strangers could do to help make you more comfortable?\nIf people would stop competing to be petty and vicious to one another, I'd be a good sight more comfortable.\nDo you feel that the world has turned its back on you?\nAbsolutely not. In fact, the world has been rather nice. \nDo you travel the world and do everything you ever wanted to do?\nI have traveled more, but that's more opportunity than planning. Unfortunately, I'm still too poor to do everything I ever wanted, but I make a bigger effort to do things I like doing -- seeing my parents, playing with my dog and forcing Chuck to watch "Law and Order" reruns on A&E. \nIf you could go back, what would you do differently?\nI'd definitely want to exchange the way I viewed life then with the way I view it now. Oh, and I wouldn't have hurried through sex, ever.\nMany thanks to Brian and his class. I appreciated the invitation, the way you laughed at my jokes, and made me feel welcome. Personally, I search for clues about the goodness of people everywhere I go, and I found a lot of them in Woodburn Hall Friday afternoon.