Impeach the president-elect

They counted. They recounted.\nThey recounted again -- by hand.\nMaddeningly enough to those in the Al Gore camp, Texas Gov. George W. Bush maintained his sliver of a lead in the Sunshine state.\nThey could keep counting and counting and counting -- by hand or foot or any other appendage -- until November 2004. But when the dust cleared, Bush would still be ahead by five or six votes. On the plus side, "Sesame Street" will be able to continue to milk this electoral fiasco for free publicity. \nIt's only a matter of days before Larry King has the Count as a guest on his program. Before you know it, we'll no longer have to worry about public broadcasting eating away our hard-earned tax dollars.\nBut alas, the vote was certified Sunday, and Bush has Florida's 25 electoral votes, giving him the presidency. Of course, Gore will be mounting a legal challenge, contesting the results in a few Democratic counties. \nIt so turns out, The Associated Press informs us, that uncounted ballots not filed by the deadline might give Gore the edge. But still, it'll be an uphill struggle for the vice president.\nYep, looks like Bush the Younger has got this one in the bag. While we fought the Revolutionary War against another aristocratic George with questionable legitimacy to govern, it's unlikely that people will take up arms on behalf of a "raging moderate." A raging moderate who'd brazenly lie if you asked him the time.\nNo, the endgame battle in this affair won't be fought out in the streets, with Molotov cocktails and citizen's militias. It'll be one of litigation and lawyers.\nGore is pursuing a legal challenge because he sincerely wants to ensure that every vote counts -- except, of course, absentee ballots cast by military personnel in favor of Bush. \nBush has also stood firm on principle. Throughout his campaign, he expressed skepticism about Washington, the federal government and judicial activism. So he's filed a brief with the U.S. Supreme Court to have Gore gains in the manual recount thrown out.\nBut he trusts the people -- unless of course they're Democratic election officials in Palm Beach or Miami-Dade. \nAnd in making their cases, both sides prattle on about "the will of the American people" or "the will of the voting public." For the love of all that is good and holy, 48 percent of voters sided with Gore, 48 percent with Bush -- neither has any right to talk about popular mandates.\nBut Bush seems to have hobbled together a slim victory in the electoral college. Sunday, he gave his acceptance speech, which strung together every cliche in the book like beads on some hippie's necklace. It was truly a touching moment. \nOf course, nobody cares any longer -- no one at all. NBC didn't even bother to interrupt the network debut of "Titanic" for what was probably a historic moment. \nBut personally, I grimaced while watching the address on CNN. My stomach has turned at the aristocratic smugness of Bush throughout this entire electoral fiasco. He seems to think he's "won" this election, because he "received more votes." What nonsense.\nAnd Bush isn't pleased with how it has stretched on, repeatedly calling for Gore to concede. He knows Gore would do anything to win, including cannibalize his immediate family members. He knows Gore's not about to back down. Being such a nice guy, he'll even settle for a retraction of the retraction. \nBush believes it was all over at about 2:30 a.m. Nov. 8. Yeah, it was a crazy night, but even under the fuzziest math, 270 equals 270. Like the back-biting jackals of the media, he's attacked the networks for causing all this confusion by irresponsibly calling Florida too early. \nLet's think this over. The networks call states by conducting exit polls, asking people who they voted for after they exit polling stations. More than 22,000 ballots intended for Gore were thrown out. Bush's lead is 500-some votes. Yes indeed, that's journalistic inaccuracy for you. That's the Chicago Tribune announcing that Dewey is the next president. \nIn four years, you can bet that'll I'll be at a voting booth to oust his fraudulency from office -- by voting for as many other candidates as possible.