Striking out and striking gold

Dating. It has been an area that has both intrigued and frustrated me for the past four years.\nIn no one area of college life have I failed as much as I have here, but I have done it with great success. It is an area in which I know I am not alone, because I do not know one person who has a high success rate in dating.\nI have come to the conclusion that being considered a successful dater does not necessarily mean having a high rate of successful dates. A successful dater is almost like a baseball player -- hit the ball more than 30 percent of the time and you're an all-star.\nBut before I go on, I would like to make it clear what I mean by "dating." I am not talking about two people in an established relationship going out to dinner, but the period before two people enter into such a relationship, which of course, varies for every person and every situation.\nFirst of all, what is the purpose of dating? In my opinion, its purpose is to find the characteristics you would want a future mate to possess. I have always said, "I am not looking for the perfect wife, but instead I am going to look at her bad characteristics and see if I can live with them."\nThis thinking might seem sort of cynical, but I believe it's what needs to be done. You are never going to find the most perfect person, because as soon as you think you have found them, you are going to find a flaw. But aren't the flaws going to make that person special to you?\nSome people feel the purpose of dating is to have fun and not for something serious. True, that might be the case. Dating isn't about having a serious relationship, but I do feel dating is going to provide the blueprints for a serious relationship in the future.\nNow that I have established what I feel to be the purpose of dating, how does this relate to the success rate of dating? Simply put, every date that goes bad actually is a success.\nA bad date is a success because you can pull something away and learn from it. It is a success because you are better in touch with the qualities that won't work.\nFor example, I dated a girl who didn't mind if we didn't see each other for a few days at a time. I wouldn't have cared if we were in a long distance relationship, but we lived less than a mile from each other. Seeing each other only twice a week wasn't the type of dating that interested me. This dating experience proved successful, because I learned I wanted a mate who actually wanted my presence on a regular basis.\nBut whatever you do, don't fall into the pattern some people I know have done, which is to repeatedly date people who possess the same character traits that have made them unhappy in the past. These dates are truly bad dates -- no success can come from them.\nAlso, don't let dating be a casual thing. It should be an intense and exhaustive process. By exhaustive, I mean it will take many dates before you come across the person who is most suited for you in the long term. Your experiences will shape the type of person who will truly make you happy. The more dating experiences you have, the more accurate picture you will have in choosing your mate. \nOf course, some people are lucky enough to find someone who matches the type of qualities they seek in a mate. My parents were able to do that, and they have been married for 27 years. \nMost of us aren't this fortunate. There is no set number of people you have to date before getting an accurate picture of what you want in a mate. You will be the one who will know when the time comes and it feels right.\nFor the rest of us out there who haven't found what we want and still just date for fun, remember success doesn't lie in the date itself, but what you take from it. Keep in mind dating is the one area where failing now will bring you success later.