All hail Vice President Zorba

Let us all sing the praises of Zorba the Greek. \n Hail Zorba, for he is mighty. \nActually, Zorba wasn't all that mighty. \nHe didn't stand, spear in hand, and defend his city-state to the death from the Persian hordes. He didn't cup a fallen comrade's head in his hand and weep. Nope, he's the title character in Nikos Kazantzakis' novel -- a miner with a zest for life. \nAn Englishman inherits a small fortune and moves to the isolated island of Crete. He befriends Zorba, and learns meaningful life lessons watching him carry out his day-to-day activities. \nIt's a simple plot. Surprisingly enough, it was adapted into a somewhat popular film not too long ago ... well, if you consider 1964 not too long ago. \nIt seems an Englishman always portrays any foreign character in a film intended for American audiences. I'm not sure why that is -- foreign but not too foreign would be my guess. Anthony Hopkins played some Spaniard named Picasso. Jeremy Irons played a Hungarian Jew in that god-awful movie about Franz Kafka.\nI've decided to write about Zorba because of this diner I used to haunt. I loved Zorba's, the dark lighting, for I could buy bacon and eggs for about $3 at any time of the day, the absence of a nonsmoking section.\nThe waitresses were always friendly, and you could kill as much time as you wanted reading The Chicago Sun Times. If you were with friends, no one would complain about how loud you got.\nThe truth of the matter is that I'm trying to write about anything other than Al Gore. Every two-bit pundit has weighed in on the matter. Gore ought to throw in the towel, some say. Gore ought to show the nation how far divorced from reality he is, others clamor. Gore ought to sue the voters of Tennessee, others insist.\nBut everyone agrees on one thing -- Gore is the vice president.\nYes, the vice president. The associate president if you will.\nAfter eight years in that office, I'm sure Gore just wants to give back. He's not dragging the thing out because he's ambitious -- no, it's a matter of idealism.\nSince he named Sen. Joseph Lieberman his running mate, they've clearly developed a close personal bond. Surely, Gore is risking his political future and credibility for Joe's sake. That's the kind of friend he is.\nGore was bored with the whole senator thing back in 1988, when he first decided to run for president. During the Democratic primary, he cleaned up in the old confederacy, but the Democratic National Committee settled on Michael Dukakis, the only male dorkier than George Bush Sr.\nBut a young upstart from Arkansas showed up on Gore's door four years later. He had a lot of personal baggage, but Bush had fouled up the economy something wicked. So Gore signed on, and his life was forever changed.\nInstead of moping around in all of those committee meetings, Gore got to wave to crowds a lot. He got to stand in front of flags.\nGore wants to share all that with Joe. Nobody really wants to be crummy old president anyhow, when all you get to do is veto stuff.\nYes sir, it looks like Gore will tie this up in litigation for a while. And it looks like George W. Bush will end up occupying 1600 Pennsylvania Ave.\nThe sad thing is, Bush probably accidentally cast his vote for Pat Buchanan.