Candidates get back to real life

After weeks of suspense, tension and late nights in front of the television hoping for a glimpse of non-election programming, George W. Bush has been sworn in as the 43rd or 44th (does it really matter what number he is?) president of the United States. \nKudos to W. The American public is giddy with excitement. \nBut what really concerns me are those who went down in glorious defeat. You know, Al Gore, Ralph Nader, that one guy named Pat and the librarians … I mean Libertarians … communists, socialists, prohibitionists and the anti-everythingists. What will they do? Where will they go? \nTo start, Gore will return to his home state, the one that neglected to vote for its hometown boy. There, he will have his revenge by disconnecting the Internet services of all 27 Tennesseeans who are online (on the Internet he invented). \nAfter that, he will rally the National Guard around his flag and march on Nashville, declaring himself military governor until he can again try to consolidate his power for a shot at the dictatorship (or presidency) of the United States. \nOf course, in actuality, Gore will settle back on his nice farm and refine his debating skills by making speeches at elementary schools and mediating high school debate team matches. \nNext in line at the unemployment office is Ralph Nader. No need to worry about him. His campaign financial disclosures showed he has $3.8 million in cash and stock. Isn't it amazing how much money you can save by not owning a home or car? If he runs short on petty cash, he can always deliver a few more speeches to college students on the evils of "big money" at $5,000 to $15,000 a pop. \nHarry Browne and the Libertarians will spend the next four years celebrating the fact that they are now the nation's fourth largest political party, having convincingly trounced Pat Buchanan and the Reform Party. Furthermore, they cite the Libertarian victories in several coroner's office races across the country as a signal of a continuing swell of support for Libertarianism.\nAnd then there is Buchanan, the candidate who took over the reigns of the Reform Party from the well-respected, well-liked and huge-eared Ross Perot. After making a visit to his personal hero Herold Stasson, Pat will begin working out for The 2004 Reform Party Convention (a.k.a. Reformania 2004) which will be a battle to the death for the heart and soul of the Reform Party between the Buchanan and Jesse Ventura supporters. Buchanan plans to make a symbolic gesture against the evils of immigration: he will return to Ireland.\nAs for the other minor parties mentioned above, no one except for the 0.003 percent of the population who voted for them really cares what their in-between-election years will be like. Except the Prohibition Party. Even now Prohibition supporters are gathering power in rural Alabama, preparing for a serious run in 2064. Maybe elections will become interesting after all.