Naps could bring world peace

The world is coming to an end. Chaos will soon ensue. We are all doomed, and there's nothing we can do about it. And so I say it is time for a nap. That's right. It's time to don the pajamas, pull the covers over our heads and drool like little babies again. \nIt is likely that you have your share of problems. Some may be small (a bastard child in Oklahoma) and some may be big (a grown-up bastard child from Oklahoma running after you with a shotgun and yelling about how you never spent any quality time reading to him when he was little). \nAnd even though it may seem as though I have no problems -- what with my immense wealth, charm and Marlboro Man exterior -- I could still use a break from it all every now and then. It is because of all these troubles that we need to spend less time with society and more time in the sack (with or without someone else).\nWhy is it we have not taken a hint from the rest of the world? Everyone else seems to understand and appreciate the value of a good siesta -- European and Middle-Eastern countries have been doing it for thousands of years. Did you know that the reason Jesus was so popular amongst his disciples was because he offered really comfortable cots on which they could snooze the afternoons away? Or that Moses had originally brought 11 commandments down from God -- the 11th being "thou shalt nap immediately following thine lunch break" -- but it was chiseled on the back of the second tablet and so he forgot to read it aloud for the crowd below him? God meant for us to take breaks from our busy days; we just never got the message. \nBecause I am a highly trained professional, I decided to do some research on the subject and find out where society stands on the issue of mandatory naptime. I took a poll of several people. \nThe first question I asked in my survey was, "What is your name?" The responses were as follows: "Bob," "Billy" and "Billy Bob."\nMy second question was intended to probe a little bit deeper into the subject at hand: "Do you like naps?" All three gentlemen responded affirmatively.\nFor my third and final question, I really went for the jugular: "Would you nap every day if given the opportunity?" \nAgain, all three subjects answered 'yes.' \nIrrefutable evidence if I've ever seen it. \n(Note: the margin of error for this poll was approximately plus or minus 100 percent. After the poll was conducted, it was discovered that all three participants are unemployed and do, in fact, take naps every day. Nevertheless, the fact remains they are law-abiding American citizens and so, unlike in Florida, their votes are still good here.)\nWhile my idea of mandatory naptime could quite possibly solve all the world's problems if implemented properly, some people may still have reservations about my brainchild. \nYou may be thinking, "Gee, big guy, that sounds cool, but how would you stop greedy workaholics from using their naptime to get ahead in corporate America?" That's easy -- tranquilizers.\nThere is no doubt in my mind that all of society would benefit from a bit more sleep. We're talking an overall drop in crime, unemployment and most importantly, crankiness. \nNew York might even become inhabitable to normal people. Whatever your philosophy on the siesta, it just doesn't matter, because I'm right. \nAnd now that I've won you over, that couch is calling my name. Sweet dreams!