Bush should stand in a trash can

My eighth grade teacher insisted that she was our second mother. In fact, that's what we called her. Mamma Keefe.\nMrs. Keefe declared when we won the first of our various Pulitzers, Oscars and MVP awards, we should thank our birth mothers. When we won our second, we were honor bound to thank Mamma Keefe.\nShe ruled her history class like a tyrant. We had an hour of homework every night and had to write an outline of our entire textbook.\nWhen someone talked out of turn or forgot their homework, Mamma Keefe made them stand in the trash can.\nThat's right, she had people standing in trash cans. One day, when she barked at Pasha Vaziri to stand in one, we all laughed so hard and thought it was so terrific that we asked if we could all stand in the trash can. There we were, taking notes on Thomas Jefferson, standing around in garbage cans and brown paper bags. Even though I'm sure they don't teach Mamma Keefe's methods over at the Ed school, they worked.\nI could tell more stories about revolutionary teachers who tested the limits, but there isn't room for them here.\nNor does there seem to be much room for them in President George W. Bush's education policy. Oh, I'm sure that's not what he would say. Republicans love to champion the individuality that inspires American innovation.\nBut don't you believe it.\nWe're so bottled up in the lousy language of politics that we believe George Dubya when he tells us he's a compassionate conservative. It doesn't matter that when it comes to education policy, he embraces one of liberalism's great failures.\nToday's Democrats, who carry the legacy of liberalism, are quick to explain that they long ago dropped that nasty liberal penchant for hyper-regulation.\nYou know, the kind of programs that come with 10 pounds of paperwork. The ones that were the hallmark of Lyndon Johnson's Great Society programs and don't usually work. Johnson wanted to eliminate poverty, but his political heirs have discovered there are just some things that can't be done from Washington. That's why Al Gore's education program focused on sending more teachers to the states and decreasing class sizes; these were programs that could benefit all schools without threatening them with federal programs that didn't take local interest into account. \nThat sounds like Republican rhetoric! But the Democrats have caught on as well. The ones getting elected are the ones who embrace traditionally liberal compassion for minorities, children and the poor; but they also know that not all problems can be solved with a new federal program.\nTell that to George W. Bush. His education program would be one of the most significant intrusions ever imposed on local school districts. Witness its components.\nBush would offer the notorious voucher options to all families, in an effort to induce competition and free-market evolution into the public education system. Families in failing school districts would be able to use tax dollars to send their children to private and parochial schools. The public schools in those districts would lose their federal funding until they improved.\nVouchers have proved successful in some urban communities, but they aren't the answer for all of this country's school systems.\nWhat about rural communities, where there might not be enough private schools to accommodate children from the failing schools? I come from Kentucky, and I'll be the first to tell you that, out in the country, there are too many kids up in the holler and not enough room in the small Baptist school in town.\nOr what about communities where the only private schools are religious schools? Are we going to force little Benjamin, whose parents are Jewish, to sit through catechism?\nAnd the nastiest secret of all is that there will be some families who, no matter how large the voucher is, still won't be able to afford private school. Oh well. The poorest of the poor in the worst schools? That's nothing new, I suppose.\nTalk about a federal program that just isn't the answer to the problems of a diverse nation.\nOr what about Dubya's controversial reading plan for the Head Start Program? The President has decided that one phonics-based approach used in a Houston pre-kindergarten school should be a model for the entire United Sates. His education team has developed a script to be used in all Head Starts, emphasizing drill work and early reading.\nNever mind that developmental experts think Bush's program is too relentless for most pre-schoolers, who just need to be read to and told not to eat the paste. \nNever mind that a script would stifle the best teachers.\nNever mind that Mamma Keefe could never have been scripted.\nGeorge, go stand in the trash.