Does sexual assault hurt men?

For five years, I've made presentations aimed at reducing sexual assault. As a member of a volunteer student group. I've presented to classes, residence hall floors, fraternities, sororities and other groups. And I've seen it dozens of times -- as soon as it becomes clear the topic is sexual assault, the faces of a portion of the audience change. \nSome are women and some are men. With those men whose faces change, what I usually notice is their blocking out my words, their becoming defensive and even angry. It took me a long time to understand why -- and that was my own fault. \nBut I think I do now understand, and I don't blame them. It's like this. Although the great majority of perpetrators of sexual assault are men, only a small fraction of men ever commit sexual assault. \nYet there the good men are, sitting in the audience, listening to people like me describe sexual assault as a horrible crime men commit. They're men, so they're the bad guys. What does the presentation offer to them, except a chance to accept their collective guilt or resist it? Not much. No wonder they tune out, feel defensive or get angry.\nI realized something important was missing. Most women felt they had a clear reason to listen -- their own protection -- but why would men want to help reduce sexual assault? Does sexual assault hurt men? \nWell the answer is easy: Yes, sexual assault hurts men. Here's how. \nFirst, some men are sexually assaulted. In fact, recent anonymous surveys of men indicate about one in 10 are sexually assaulted. Most of these men are assaulted as boys, by an adult they know -- a relative, neighbor, coach, friend of the family or someone else. But men are also sexually assaulted as adults, typically by other men. The great majority of assaults, contrary to popular belief, occur outside of prison. \nMen are also sexually assaulted by women. Yes, really. And it's not funny. \nSometimes this involves brute force, often not -- the boy or man might comply because the woman is older, an authority figure, a boss or other. Maybe the victim is incapacitated by alcohol or some other drug. \nBut is sex even possible under these conditions, you might ask? Again, yes. Sexual assault is sex against the will of one person -- and that includes a broad definition of sex. \nSecond, sexual assault hurts men because, whether you are a good man or not, others have reason not to trust you. The great majority of sexual assaults are committed by men, about 80 percent of sexual assaults involve acquaintances according to the Department of Justice, and the more intimately connected a person is to you, the more likely it is he will assault you -- including family members, close friends and partners.\nSo it becomes impossible to distinguish dangerous men from men who are safe. As a result, all men might be viewed by others with fear and distrust. \nIt's horrible, isn't it? Because sexual assault is so common, not only does the anonymous woman you meet on the sidewalk at night have reason to fear you because you are a man, but so do the people you care about the most. \nThird, sexual assault hurts men because it hurts people we care about -- our sisters, our brothers, our mothers, our fathers, our partners, our spouses and our friends. Sexual assault is so common that we all know someone who has survived it. And the consequences for the survivor are terrible. \nYes, sexual assault hurts men. We do have something at stake. And it's time for more men to take part in efforts to reduce sexual assault.