HE said

Roses are red, violets are blue, this reviewer loathes "Valentine," and the masses will too.\n"Valentine," the insipid new horror film from Jamie Blanks, director of the equally moronic "Urban Legends," will disappoint viewers at every turn. The cherub-masked baddie looks like a wuss, there is little to no nudity in the flick, and I've seen better acting in a porno movie. The film's only saving grace is the originality with which the murders are presented, each a little more creative than the last.\nThe plot, irrelevant as it might be, chronicles the sordid lives populated by a horde of bimbos: Paige (talent void Denise Richards), Kate (an appealing Marley Shelton), Lily (the annoying Jessica Cauffiel), Dorothy (an even more annoying Jessica Capshaw), Shelley (the alluring Katherine Heigel) and the jilted, former middle school loser they once tormented who inevitably returns for vengeance and mass blood-letting.\n"Valentine" is the most recent in a long string of lame, teen-oriented horror movies. Long gone are the days in which horror flicks truly rocked; boobs were shown like badges of honor and blood flowed like water. But in this post-Columbine era of political correctness, no one seems to have the stones to make a halfway decent slasher flick chock full of all the ingredients that once made slasher flicks great. Hence, viewers are left with stale, recycled pieces of crap like "Valentine," in which poor actresses like Richards meander about the screen waiting to be offed like the lemmings that they are.\nThat's not to say that the film wasn't completely without its charms. Shelton and Heigel both register nicely, as does "Angel" star David Boreanaz in the thankless role of Shelton's booze-swilling boyfriend. The direction by Blanks is mediocre at best, but in cinematic moments of peril he adds a stylish ingenuity to the proceedings.\n"Valentine" isn't a horrible film, just one that was done better 30 times prior. Non-demanding fans of the genre might enjoy what few scares are to be had. But more discerning filmgoers will be better served taking their dates to other "holiday"-affiliated fodder.