Collapse of the D?

The official IU athletics Web site, jumping for joy, is conducting a "Countdown to IU's Home Opener." \nNine days, five hours, 20 minutes and three seconds to go. \nBut I'm guessing you're not counting down, either. Gee, can't believe you're not sitting at home, filled with adrenaline, gazing into the computer as the seconds tick away. \nI'm also guessing you're not counting down to the season opener, tonight at North Carolina State. But, for fun's sake, let's have our own little countdown. The "Countdown to IU's Season Opener." Here we go. \nWait, we'll say it's 10 a.m. and the game will start at about 6:37 p.m., so the clock reads 8 hours, 37 minutes and 11 seconds. \nEight hours, 37 minutes and 11 seconds until: \n• IU's defense collapses. Already? Yep.\n• N.C. State scores a touchdown on a pass of more than 50 yards.\n• N.C. State scores another touchdown on a pass of more than 50 yards. \n• N.C. State scores another touchdown on a pass of more than 50 yards. (Defense? What defense?)\n• IU's offense (Senior Antwaan Randle El) goes berserk. \n• IU scores a touchdown on a run of more than 50 yards. By Randle El. On a reverse. After new quarterback junior Tommy Jones goes 0 for his first 12 with an interception.\n• Randle El scores again. This time, on a punt return.\n• Jones completes his first pass. To Randle El. Who scores. Again.\n• For some odd reason, senior running back Levron Williams gets pulled for younger, smaller sophomore Brian Lewis.\n• Jones pitches to Lewis, who pitches to Randle El on another reverse. Randle El scores. Again.\n• Jones completes another pass, making him 2 for 17 for 95 yards. All to Randle El. \n• IU's defense continues to struggle, as N.C. State's Philip Rivers fires another touchdown toss. From 50 yards out.\n• Randle El counters, returning the kickoff for a touchdown. \n• N.C. State scores on a 65-yard run.\n• After returning another punt, Randle El throws his first pass of the game. To himself. For a touchdown. \n• N.C. State scores. From 85 yards.\n• Jones gets mad and throws a pass to himself. He fumbles. Randle El scoops up the ball and scores. \n• N.C. State scores on a 80-yard run.\n• Randle El makes his defensive debut, intercepting a pass, fumbling and recovering his own fumble twice and scoring. He adds the two-point conversion. On another pass to himself. \n• N.C. State scores. From 90 yards.\n• Randle El punts for the first time, booting the ball 70 yards. He makes the tackle, causes a fumble, picks up the ball and scores. \n• N.C. State scores. From 75 yards.\n• Jones, still mad, tries another pass to himself. It's intercepted. By Randle El, who's become bored with touchdowns. So, he kicks a 51-yard field goal.\n• After three tackles by Randle El, N.C. State punts to Randle El. He runs from one sideline to the other, back to the other, back to the other, then past every Wolfpack defender. Twice. Then, he scores. Being the team player he is, he lets Jones kick the point after. \n• After three quarters, N.C. State, dizzied and spinning, gives up. IU wins, 74-73, with Randle El scoring 66 of the 74 points. \n• Randle El drives the bus to the airport and flies the plane home. Jones gets to ride shotgun.