Boys have it worse -- trust me

Society has made a big deal about the difficulty of puberty on adolescents. If I remember correctly, it was a time of intense sexual frustration and awkwardness. I try not to think about it too much because it makes me realize I haven't made much progress since then. It seems boys are treated unfairly during the pubescent years, at least in comparison to the girls.\nThe trauma and excitement of the first menstrual cycle has become something of a "popular" topic. Women complain that men will never know what it is like to get cramps, and we are lucky that we never had to go through some of the embarrassment and even shame that comes from having a period. \nPlease. I'm sure that having a period is tough, but women have Midol, pads, books, teachers and moms coaching them through this. They get a lot of sympathy and advice. I think Hallmark even has a card for this. \nBoys, on the other hand, have to deal with a sudden onslaught of spontaneous erections. And they don't come once a month. They come about every five minutes. There's no advice as to how to deal with this. \nEventually, you just figure out that you have to walk around with a book in front of you in that ever-so-natural "Oh, I'm just walking around with an open math book in front of my crotch" pose. \nOr you can buy really long T-shirts and walk around for two years in the equivalent of a dressing gown. Also, you can just walk around with a lump in your trousers and hope nobody notices. This is a terrible option that I've never seen anyone take because it's a lose-lose situation. If it's noticeable, that's embarrassing. If it's not noticeable, that can start a whole new batch of self-esteem problems.\nI tried to tell this to a woman I know and she replied, in a condescending manner, "Well, if you guys would stop thinking about sex all the time…" I said, "Listen, Grandma, I didn't have to be thinking about sex. The little bad boy had a hair trigger. If I looked at an elbow wrong I had to walk around for five minutes repeating baseball stats over and over."\nThat's true. And another thing, I am sick of hearing about the effect that gorgeous skinny models have on the self-esteem of teenage girls. Sure, little Susie might have difficulty with her self-esteem because she is surrounded by images of female perfection. But once again, she's got people surrounding her with advice. She's got magazines that discuss this. She's got a mom and her friends coaching her through this problem. \nIt's time us men stopped being silent about our pubescent experiences. We need to counsel the young bucks coming up so that they won't have to go through the same trauma that we did. But then, who in the world wants to deal with a group of kids who are that screwed up? Not me. Oh well, at least it's over now. \nNow if you'll excuse me, I've got somewhere to go. Wait a minute. Has anybody seen my math book?