June brings memories of a friend passed

She is really dirty. I have burn holes on probably every seat and every side panel. Ash fills every crevice and crack. My collections of lip-glosses, birth control and lighters fill the glove boxes and the console. \nArby's straws fill the floors and Parliament boxes litter the backseat. My world is in this vehicle and this vehicle is my world away from here, where I sit in it and blast my Vertical Horizon when I am lost. Where I get in it and just cruise, away from everything here.\nThis car, my sanctuary, also holds a piece of my past, which will always be in the back of my mind, especially during summertime. In all of the mess and the clutter, perched high in the flap that works as my sun guard and my mirror holds a simple photo of two guys, Sidney and Chris. \nMost girls that are passengers in my car comment on how hot they both are, if the picture happens to fall down or I take it out just to say a quick hello at a red light. Guys ask me who they are and then get morbid if I even begin to explain. Most I won't even tell the story to, I will just smile and say that the picture is special and is of two friends.\nBut somehow when June rolls around, the picture is harder to smile at and forget. The story of Sidney and Chris and our friendship began in the lazy month of June, the summer after my graduation from high school.\nThey were boys from a different high school, the one with the reputation for Meatheads, good sports teams and decent looking guys. They liked to watch that movie about the Roxbury guys and would look at each other and recite the lines no matter the time or the place; it was their favorite movie. They listened to rap and country, sometimes at the same time. The sported Fubu and cowboy hats.\nThey willingly admitted that they liked to dance to 'N Sync and wanted to be Ricky Martin. Sidney renamed himself "Sebastian" from the movie "Cruel Intentions" every time he was drunk. And when Sidney moved into his uncle's trailer for the summer it became the place to be, even for snotty girls who despised trailers.\nThat summer I introduced them to the country club, to the north side of town and to the Lunch Special from Outback Steakhouse. \nThey introduced me to public pools, how much fun you can have at a bar called Thunder Ridge and to true friendship, from guys who would do anything for a group of girls that would do the same for them.\nThe last time I saw Sidney was during Christmas break of my freshman year. It had been a while, the phone calls from Indiana to North Carolina had gotten fewer and the distance was growing greater.\nI came home, we went to the townie bars and the last memory I have of him is of us embracing as he got out of the car and promised me that I would see him soon again.\nI would never see him again. \nThe call came on an early morning in January and my best friend Maggie struggled through tears to tell me of the fate of our friend, lost in a car accident forever.\nEven though we had to let go of him in January, it is this time of year that makes the loss of Sidney hard to bear. Summertime was the time to kick back, goof off with friends and soak up the sun. He is the epitome of that memory in my mind and every time I do many things or smell that sweet summer air, I will remember him.\nPerhaps more than anything, as I sit here far away from the Tarheel land, in the front seat of my Jetta that brought me here, what Sidney reminds me of is true friendship, something that I would be lost and lonely without.\nMy friends carry me through times when I think of Sidney and when the memories turn to tears. My friends sit on the floor of small bathrooms with me when I yell, cry or just think about guys who put dents in my heart and those of my friends.\nThey are here to pick up the pieces when I realize that my long distance relationship is nothing more than a game that I cannot win. They keep me sane and keep me happy, and provide me with an endless source of entertainment, even on rainy, cold Indiana days.\nWhat Sidney also reminds me of is the ideology of summertime, the best season on the calendar. The one time when road trips can come to life, many couches can be sprawled upon, countless movies can be watched and the Walnut Knolls pool can become home. He had the ease of summer as he waltzed into rooms, he contained the laziness of summer as he slept often and partied perhaps a little too much.\nI will think of him when I eat the first watermelon of the season, take my first trip to the lake, hear the new 'N Sync song on the radio or watch the Roxbury guys on "SNL."\nI think of him now as I sit in the driver's seat of my Jetta debating whether to drive to get food a block away or drive home all the way to the dirty South.\nI will remember him when I get so lazy that I start to ponder life from the comforts of my bed, smoking my menthols. I know that he watches from somewhere up above and far away, as I lazily swim through summer, in all its mosquitoes and sunscreen, and he is proud of me for doing nothing monumental but having the time of my life, just as he did, in the summers we all spent together. Just as he continues to do as we all carry pieces of him in our hearts and our minds for the rest of our lives.