Marriage is no fairy tale

It is a day we dream about from the time we are little girls until the day a ring is slipped on our finger. The real event is never as perfect as the fantasy, and the bride and groom rarely live happily ever after. The purpose and meaning of marriage has been changing rapidly in the last 100 years. Why we still hold such a deep connection to what is left of this institution is often a mystery to me. \nHistorically, marriage was a bum deal for a woman. In Euro-American culture, marriage was a contractual arrangement where a man gave up financial responsibility for his daughter, making her the property of another man. In the past, women could not vote, own property or work -- so marriage was a way of gaining access to the tools necessary for survival. In order to get married, a woman was also expected to be a virgin in order to be a respectable marriage partner, but with a man, that was not necessarily as important or easily proven. \nNow there are fewer clear benefits to marriage for women since we no longer rely on men for financial well-being and a proper reputation, and few of us manage to "save ourselves" for marriage whether we ever believed we would or not. \nAlthough women supposedly have social and political worth that is equal to a man's, the trappings of our days as property still remain when we marry. In addition to the vows and promises made by both the husband and the wife, the wife usually makes an additional sacrifice. She must give up her last name and technically become a different person. In this fair world, a man has to make no such sacrifice.\nNow we tell ourselves that we marry for love and that love has no boundaries so we no longer have to marry someone of a certain class or background. This may be true, but there are still restrictions regarding who can be legally married. If two men or two women are in love, they cannot be legally married (in most places). People have often denied and hid who they really are and whom they really love because a legal marriage excludes homosexuals.\nMany people rush into marriage to please the standards of others or in hopes that it will right a wrong. A friend of mine got married because her boyfriend thought it was wrong for them to be living together although they were engaged. They got married after living together for over a year. They were only 19- and 20-years-old, and less than a year after being married, they grew apart emotionally and divorced.\nWhen my boyfriend and I chose to move in together last May, we both knew that some of our family members didn't approve of us living together before getting married. We have known each other for five years and have been dating for two, but we are in no rush to get married. We want to get married and have children in the future, but we realize that it's no fairy tale. We are both young and constantly growing and changing, and we don't need the finality and responsibilities of marriage to keep us from growing as individuals and pursuing our dreams. \nMarriage is a bond that should be entered into for love and companionship after you know who you really are. It should not be rushed into to please a cultural ideal that was never so ideal in the first place.