Beat the heat; ride the bus

I know that this campus is beautiful, and the only way to partake of said beauty is to walk wherever you need to go. But I\'m sorry, when it's five million degrees and I have a backpack filled with math books, I am just not interested in climbing the hill on Fee Lane. \nThat's why lately I've started taking the Campus Bus System. It's a beautiful thing really. There's air conditioning, seats and even little posters to read as you zip to your destination.\nAs we learned when we were children, nothing in this world is perfect, but by golly if I'm not going to try and make it so.\nThat is why this week I am going to don my Miss Manners hat and give everyone a lesson in Campus Bus Etiquette.\n1. When the bus stops and the doors open, don't just charge onto the bus like a maniac, knocking people down as you vie for that empty seat. Let everyone else shuffle off, then charge onto the bus like a maniac and knock people down as you vie for that empty seat. \n2. When boarding the bus, use only the front door. This saves you the humiliation of being yelled at by the bus driver and stared at by all the passengers. Have your money or bus pass ready for the same reason.\n3. We know you love your new Kate Spade tote bag and the books held inside, but no one's bag is so special that it gets its own seat. Kindly hold your belongings in your lap so that everyone can rest their tired old soles.\nAlong with this, at peak times, no one is so special that they get a row to themselves. The only acceptable excuse is agoraphobia (fear of crowds), and even then, you should be walking. The bus is not your cup of tea.\n4. When you talk, we can hear you. I know it's an elementary concept, but I felt compelled to add it after listening to a guy describe the many and colorful ways he vomited the previous night. \n5. Don't eat anything smelly on the bus. Enough said.\nNow, I saved the most important piece of advice for the end. This is the one item that irritates me more than that Carrot Top guy who sells long distance. Let me paint you a little picture.\nIt's 95 degrees outside, and you just left Ballantine Hall. You go to the bus stop to find it full of people, many of whom who have been sweating it out waiting for a good twenty minutes. Seconds after your arrival, a bus stuffed full of people with only a few seats to spare rounds the corner and comes to a stop.\nUnless you want to start an all-out fist fight do not -- I repeat -- do not get on the bus before the mountains of people who have been baking in the sun. Sitting in the blazing heat will make even the most mild-mannered journalism major go a little postal.\nSo there you have it, Lauren's Guide to Bus Etiquette. Feel free to clip the article and post it on your wall, in your planner, or even have it tattooed on your arm so that you can learn it, live it and love it. See you on the bus!