Oompa-Loompa damnation

A few years ago a Boston DJ named George Taylor Morris told the whole world that Pink Floyd's "Dark Side of the Moon" had similarities to the musical "The Wizard of Oz." In the same vein, I am here to tell you that "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory" is really a metaphor for the seven deadly sins. I came up with this philosophy my freshman year and have tried on numerous occasions to write papers on it for class, but I have yet to take a class where this topic would be appropriate. Since I will be graduating shortly I had to take this chance to let the world know my findings. If a stupid Beantown DJ can do it, so can I.\nFirst I want to mention my belief that the chocolate river boat-ride is actually a metaphor for a bad hallucinogenic trip. All the kids eat the "candy" mushrooms in the "Everything is Edible Room," and they then get on the boat. It starts off nice and slow where the kids enjoy the magical colors on the walls. The boat then soon gets faster and faster and the kids start to see big ugly bugs on the walls. Just a thought. \nAnyway, each kid represents a different forbidden sin, except Charlie, the one and only righteous man who gets everything he wants and more in the end.\nGluttony -- Augustus Gloop\nNow this is an easy one. "Let me in I'm starving!" is this fat European's battle cry at the start of the tour, and we all know what happens to the chubby porker who couldn't resist Wonka's chocolate river.\nSloth -- Mike Teevee\nThis little cowboy-brat is so obsessed with television that he meets his doom from a remote control. At the beginning of the movie Mrs. Teevee tells the world that Mike eats all of his meals in the TV room, and that he's never even seen the actual dinner table. Sounds like a lazy child to me.\nEnvy -- The Wonka World\nA reporter announces towards the beginning of the film that there is still one Golden Ticket left. His exact words are, "Four down, one to go. Though we cannot help but envy whoever wins and we may feel bitter, we must remember there are more important things in life. Offhand, I cannot think of what they are."\nLust -- No one represents lust you sick perverts; it is still a kid's movie.\nVanity -- Violet Beauregarde\nThis little snot-nosed punk is all about bragging about her world record in gum chewing. She announces to the world about her record, "It beat the record held by my best friend, Miss Cornelia Prince Medal. And was she mad!" Violet definitely deserved her blueberry punishment.\nGreed/Wrath -- Veruca Salt\n Veruca represents both, especially with her "I want it now!" song and her angry rants to her dad about needing a golden ticket and a golden goose. For her punishment, she gets sent down to the furnace where the bad eggs go. Sounds a little too much like another hot southern spot to me …\n Throughout the film there are many references to hell and rude children, such as the Wonka boat-ride lyrics: "Not a speck of light is showing / So the danger must be growing / Are the fires of hell a-glowing? / Yes, the danger must be growing … " \nSo maybe author Roald Dahl didn't mean to scare children into respecting the seven deadly sins, but the inference can be made. What can be interpreted as an innocent children's tale could also secretly infiltrate the minds of children to teach them right from wrong. If you are respectful and nice, you too could own an Oompa-Loompa like Charlie, a prize even better than heaven.