The subversive little world of 'Spy Kids'

Let's get it out of the way that "Spy Kids 3-D" is a terrible movie. Writer, director and 3-D artiste Richard Rodriguez phoned the third film of the series in, creating a movie that is visually nauseating and completely lacking in anything even a child would consider a plot. There is no humor to speak of, unless you consider Sylvester Stallone as a roid-raging hippie funny. \nThe storyline was literally indecipherable. Stallone stars as the Toymaker, some sort of evil genius trapped by the U.S. government in cyberspace. He creates a virtual reality video game that will take over the minds of all children who play it. \n Juni Cortez (Daryl Sabara) returns as a scorned, battle tested pro spy, sent into the video game to shut it down and rescue his fellow agent and sister, Carmen (Alexa Vega), who was unsuccessful at a previous attempt to close down the game. \nJuni, his Grandpa (Ricardo Montalban, in a returning role) and a ragtag bunch of gaming geeks (including the annoying Ryan Pinkston from MTV's "Punk'd") work their way through the 3-D game world in order to save the planet. Plot holes and cameos abound on their journey, and the 3-D graphics (which had my attention before I entered) turned out to be ho-hum at first and then stomach-wrenching as your eyes lose all their normal focal points.\nWhat Rodriguez did is turn his kid's movie franchise into unsubtle, political subversion. Stallone should be seen as George W. Bush, even going so far as to say "bring it on" near the beginning of the film. In the end, when the Toymaker has taken over the White House, hell-bent on revenge, he is lectured by Montalban (yes, the guy from "Fantasy Island") on the reasons that revenge is not the answer. \nI've been told the first and second installments of the "Spy Kids" series are worthwhile kiddie affairs, and surely (as the $32.5 million opening weekend would predict) there are some children who will enjoy this project. But "Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over" is getting by on product name alone, and even liberal commentary and a blazed audience can't save it now.