Adult Swim can carry a 'Toon

Hello, fellow television zombies. I have recently made the greatest discovery in the area of entertainment in all of my years on this sluggishly spinning planet. It resides on the Cartoon Network. \nNow, I'm sure most don't spend a lot of time revisiting their childhood, but we all know that inside of us there is that little wide-eyed boy or girl holding a bowl of Co-Co Puffs (or whatever other gorgeously unhealthy cereal you patronized) and planted twelve inches from Saturday cartoons all morning. Whether it was "Transformers," "My Little Pony," "Looney Tunes" or "Thunder Cats," cartoons were vital. \nNow, what if they made cartoons that appealed to our perverted, collegiate sense of humor and our appreciation for subtle social commentary (a la "The Simpsons" and "South Park") and pushed the boundaries of animation and imagination to their respective extremes?\nIt is Adult Swim, a collection of shockingly funny modern cartoons showing at 10 p.m. nightly. If you are an Adult Swim novice, I recommend watching on Sundays. Every other night, after an hour, they move into some intense action cartoons which take some patience and sophisticated taste to appreciate. Either that or a lot of drugs. The toons are beautifully animated, however, and have some incredible story lines. \nOne show in particular, "FLCL," is my favorite. "This gorgeous animation from Japan features alien rock stars, zippy motor scooters and robots that burst from the main characters skull," as Adult Swim describes it. "We may not understand it, but we sure do like it." "Trigun," "Inuyasha" and "Cowboy Bebop" are some other serious, action-intensive cartoons that showcase incredible animation.\nThe mysterious creators of Adult Swim keep the schedule fresh by changing the lineup every once in a while, so a lot of the shows are in and out. One dominating cartoon is "The Family Guy." It is somewhat similar to "The Simpsons," but on an obscene amount of meth. \nStewie is an intellectual who is obsessed with world domination -- he's a toddler. Brian likes to drink martinis, recently got caught masturbating in the bathroom and is the most intelligent and eloquent member of the household -- he's the family dog. The most recent episode involves a family move to the "deep south" full of banjo-playing buck-toothed hicks obsessed with incest that have never seen a "flying machine." In one episode, they successfully bash on the FBI, the Federal Witness Protection Program, banjo players, Southerners, homosexual old men and sitcoms. It's beautiful. \n"Futurama" is a show set 1,000 years in the future about a space traveling crew including a mollusk doctor, an angry alcoholic robot, a pizza guy and a one-eyed woman as the crew leader. One of the greatest moments featured Bend-Aid, a concert to benefit broken robots, including Monsters of Vaguely Folk-ish Alterna-Rock (we finally found a name for it!!) touring to Nukevada. \n"Aqua-Teen Hunger Force" is by far the best bizarre show. Its main characters are a powerful, floating French fry box, a shape-shifting moronic wad of meat and a lazy, procrastinating milkshake. Don't ask what it is about. It's simply hilarious.\n"Space Ghost Coast to Coast" is full of awkward interviews with lowly celebrities by a super hero-esque space ghost and his alien crew (which includes a deranged praying mantis). Space Ghost rants and lashes out at his guests and his crew which results in angry departures or mass confusion. One of his best interviews was with Lassie. \n"Sealab 2021" is a remake of the series that ran in 1972, "Sealab 2020." The Adult Swim masters have added a new twist: the entire crew of "Sealab 2021" is insane. Lines like, "It looks like a koala bear crapped a rainbow in my brain" echo throughout the lab. There are many other outrageous plot lines and characters. \n"The Oblongs" showcases a family that lives next to a nuclear waste dump. \n"Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law" is about a third-rate superhero bird/man turned third-rate lawyer bird/man. It is completely nonsensical and very funny. \nThe best part is before and after commercial breaks. A series of comments from the directors are shown about the most random things possible: their butts, Jaco Pastorius, how much they've been drinking in a given night, Peruvian yaks, arguments about the best prime number, MC Hammer pants, the list goes on. \nAdult Swim is full of the most intellectual, side-splitting, imaginative ridiculousness you will find anywhere. So, kids, skip over MTV for just one Sunday night and watch the masterpiece that is Adult Swim. \nIf not, at least skip over MTV.