Here's hoping for a miracle

I was hoping by some scheduling quirk we would find out that the Hoosiers would actually be traveling to play Washington University in St. Louis. Apparently, they still have to go to Seattle. This is a bad thing.\nGranted, Washington didn't look like anything special against Ohio State last week. But let's remember that the Bucks won the national championship. On the other hand, UConn, which dominated IU, is pretty good at women's basketball but doesn't quite have the same track record in football.\nWashington is also pretty good at home. The team has lost five non-conference home games in the past 20 years, and that includes opponents like Miami. Their quarterback, Cody Pickett, passed for 4,461 yards and 28 touchdowns last year.\nBoth of IU's starting safeties, Joe Gonzalez and Herana-Daze Jones, are doubtful for the game. As good as Washington is at home, IU is bad on the road. The team has not won a road game yet in the DiNardo era. (The last road win was Nov. 10, 2001 at Michigan State).\nSo most people are probably wondering, "Is this game even worth watching? What are the Hoosiers odds of coming within 30 points -- at halftime?"\nThere's a good chance that things will get ugly early. But there is a reason that games are played on the field, and not a piece of paper. Technically, anyone can win.\nHere are some things that must happen if the Hoosiers are to pick up the biggest upset since my last date.\n• Get to Pickett early and often: By get to Pickett, I mean get him drunk. Perhaps it could be arranged for the equipment manager to pour approximately half a liter of Everclear into Pickett's Gatorade bottle. This should be good for at least 2-3 interceptions. If this isn't having the desired effect by halftime, they might want to consider slipping in something a little more potent, like a horse tranquilizer. (Editor's note: The IDS does not advocate the slipping of horse tranquilizers into quarterback's drinks).\n• Adverse weather conditions: Unusual weather could benefit the Hoosiers. By unusual, I mean a reversal of the earth's gravitational pull. True, there isn't definitive scientific evidence that would indicate floating around uncontrollably would give IU an edge. But it can't hurt.\nAlso, Seattle is located in a highly volatile tectonic area, making the possibility of a game-saving earthquake very distinct.\n• Grab an early lead: Remember when you were a little kid, and you played your dad in basketball? He'd spot you a 10 point lead to give you a chance to win. Right now, Washington is favored by 24 points. So if they gave IU those 24 points to start off the game (and the ball, of course) there is a pretty good chance that the Hoosiers could pull off the victory.\n• Play loose: This time, I'm being serious. No one outside of the IU locker room is expecting the game to be close, much less for it to be a Hoosier victory. So there is no pressure on IU. The players just need to go out and have fun. \n-- Contact staff writer Alex Hickey at ahickey@indiana.edu.