A little Greek honesty

As a frat guy, I can tell you -- the Greek system is full of liars. To survive at IU, it has to be.\nThere are little lies. "Sure, babe. Have another glass. Wine actually has LESS alcohol than beer." And then there are the difficult lies -- like pretending to encourage a sober environment at a school known for boisterous behavior.\nWhile the little ones might get them off, the big ones keep them on ... campus. \nIU maintains the Athens of Greek communities -- but in the past three years, drinking, hazing and destructive behavior have led several of these organizations to fall from their lofty moral pedestals into collegiate obscurity. \nI think I speak for the whole Greek community when I say we are appalled at these formerly chartered houses' weekend flings with cheap vodka and loud music. For most of us, nothing says "Saturday Night" like spending a few hours watching a Billy Graham movie and enjoying a crisp ginger ale before bed.\nYet even after the revocation of these fraternities' charters, it is rumored several houses still encourage the consumption of alcohol -- some even holding mass-gatherings of people to partake in blatant disregard of University alcohol policy. These underground orgies of imbibition are referred to as "par-tees," "kay-gers" or as getting "whay-stid."\nI wouldn't have believed this gossip had I not witnessed certain events at my own fraternity house. \nWe were in for many scares that early November night as we held the second of our famous bi-yearly ice cream socials. First, a pledge accidentally bought a pint of Rum Raisin ice cream. We took immediate action, of course, incinerating nearly the entire quart in our boiler room and arranging sober drivers for anyone who had eaten more than a few spoonfuls. We informed the University of the incident and blackballed the pledge.\nAfter that close call, as we were nearly finished serenading a chipper group of Delta Gammas, a sudden ballyhoo arose from our entryway. It pains me to recall that one of my own brothers entered through the front door, staggering and wild-eyed and more belligerent than an alcoholic uncle at a Coors family Christmas. Needless to say, our song was ruined.\n"They've got beer!" he shouted. "I d*hic*rank it, too! I drank the beeeeeeeer!"\nHe then invited us to a "bitchin' par-tee" at another fraternity. Most of us just sat in disgust, but unfortunately, there were a few takers. I also tagged along, but only because page four of the Training for Intervention Procedures manual suggests bringing a sober person in every drinking group.\nJust after our arrival, the rumbling din of "shutdown" echoed through the halls, and I was nearly trampled and drowned by a torrent of rushing bodies and spilled beer. \nMeanwhile, the chapter president spoke to an officer at the front door:\n "How's the party going?"\n "Par-tee? Sir, I could check, but I'm sure that no social event was scheduled for tonight."\n "We received a noise complaint."\n "Was someone playing music too loud? My apologies, sir. We'll take care of it."\n "Has anyone been drinking alcohol?" \n "Haha. This is a dry campus, sir." \n Yeah, sure it is …\n But inside there was chaos. More than two whole minutes elapsed before all the beer was hidden away -- a pitiful excuse for frat security.\n A proper shutdown should take less than 30 seconds. \nBrothers and pledges with garbage bags and wet mops should rush like fire through gasoline -- grabbing cups, locking doors and doing a quick once-over on the flo- \nUh -- I mean -- at least that's how I imagine it should be. How would I know? Like I said, I'm just a Greek living on a dry campus that's never had a drop of alcohol since he's been in college. \nHonestly. \nWhy would I lie?