Give me KISISS

With Valentine's Day fast approaching, we at Weekend want to help make your V-Day as spicy, romantic and fun as possible. To do this, we asked reporter Holly Johnson to sit down with the sexually knowledgeable researchers at the Kinsey Institute's Sexual Information for Student Services, the most comprehensive source for sexual tidbits, suggestions and advice in the area. \nWhat follows is a provocative question and answer session where KISISS answers all our burning questions. \nWEEKEND: A romantic night in is a surefire (and cheap) way to impress a date on Valentine's Day; what do you suggest doing to set the mood (aside from the traditional candles and rose petals, of course)?\nKISISS: Often the most romantic thing you can do for a person is something that's very personal. Some people do like candles and rose petals, whereas others want more imagination, creativity or signs that their partner has done something specifically focused on making them happy. A person's ideal evening could be a marathon of "Friends" reruns, ordering a favorite dessert to go and eating it at home, taking a long walk, having a snowball fight, taking a bath together or cuddling in bed. Showing your partner that you've paid enough attention to know what they like can be incredibly sexy.\nWEEKEND: Tell us a little about aphrodisiacs. What foods are considered aphrodisiacs, and how does the biology behind that work?\nKISISS: The research just doesn't support the common "food myths" about aphrodisiacs. The brain is often described as our "biggest sex organ" because our thoughts and emotional reactions can affect how we feel sexually. So if eating a certain food makes you feel sexy, then go for it.\nWEEKEND: What are some creative and interesting ways to use food during sexual play?\nKISISS: If you're using condoms, be careful. We know that oil-based products can easily cause latex condoms to tear. As for other kinds of foods or food products, latex condoms aren't necessarily tested to be used with caramel or hot fudge, and protection of yourself and your partner should be key. You also want to be careful about using food products in the genital area, since men's and women's genital skin can be sensitive. You definitely don't want to spoil the romance of the day by developing a rash or an allergic reaction! \nSo the safest way to incorporate food into your sexual play is to use it on non-genital parts (e.g. belly button, chest, breasts), or to just have a really great meal before or after being sexual with each other. \nWEEKEND: What if you've only been dating for a short while? How can you feel out sexual boundaries, especially on a holiday like Valentine's Day when there's a lot of pressure?\nKISISS: There doesn't have to be a lot of pressure. Valentine's Day is, in the end, just another day. If you've been dating for a short while and you don't want to deal with the pressure of Valentine's Day, then hang out with your friends or your family. The process of feeling out sexual boundaries (your own and your partner's) shouldn't be any different just because it's Valentine's Day. Talk to each other about what you like and what you do (or don't) want to do with that person. Be careful with your use of drugs and alcohol, both of which can contribute to poor decisions surrounding sexuality.\nWEEKEND: How might a slightly timid person go about suggesting a new V-day (and X-rated) position to their partner? Which ones are sure to satisfy both partners?\nKISISS: If you're not comfortable talking about sexuality with your partner, I'd challenge you to consider whether you should be having sex with that person in the first place. After all, conversations about having an unplanned pregnancy or a sexually transmitted infection are much more difficult and painful than conversations about sexual positions. \nEven so, in a culture that often leaves out healthy conversations about sexuality, even the most comfortable couples can find it difficult to talk about certain sexual topics. A lot of people are afraid that their partner will reject them or that they'll think poorly of them for expressing certain sexual interests.\nIf you want to suggest new aspects to your sexual life together, start the conversation when you're not in a sexual situation at the time, and when you're unlikely to have other distractions. Tell your partner what you already like about him or her (and your sexual experiences with them), and then talk about whatever it is you want to try and why you'd like that. \nThere are no positions that are sure to satisfy anyone -- either one partner or both. It's often a case of trying different positions to see what one or both partners like. Some positions allow women more control (woman on top) or for deeper thrusting (missionary). Keep in mind there's a full range of sexual expression such as oral sex, anal stimulation, genital touching, kissing, back massages, cuddling, sharing fantasies, looking at erotic images and masturbation. All of these are valid means of sexual expression. So rather than focusing on "positions," it's helpful to think of the infinite ways you can be sexual together.\nWEEKEND: Let's say you're in a committed relationship and looking to spice up your V-Day by using a new "toy." What's out there? \nKISISS: There's a wide range of sex toys and other products available for sale -- just to name a few, there are dildos, vibrators, anal beads, butt plugs, board games, blindfolds, flavored lubricants and so on. Even within these categories there is enormous variation. For example, there are vibrators of all shapes and sizes and targeted toward different kinds of stimulation (e.g. clitoral, vaginal, G-spot). \nSex toys can be used during sex with oneself (e.g. masturbation) or during sexual activity with a partner. \nWEEKEND: Which would you suggest for couples seeking to add a bit of spice to their normal routine and how would you recommend incorporating them into a healthy sex life?\nKISISS: There are no specific toys that we'd recommend for particular couples; people vary considerably on what they like about kissing, touching and frequency of sex -- so why would sex toys be any different? \nIf you're interested in using a sex toy with your partner, communication is key. Talk about what kinds of toys you're interested and how you'd like to use them. You might visit online stores together or visit local adult bookstores to browse their selection. It's important to talk ahead of time about toys or other enhancement items you want to include, rather than springing them unexpectedly on a partner. \nMore information on KISISS, check out the Web site at www.indiana.edu/~kisiss/.