Why I'm single

Thursday during a lecture highlighting the differences between the sexes, Dr. Lori Hart Ebert proclaimed to the audience: "We are here tonight because … men and women are truly different. Men are simple creatures. Women, we are complicated, and that drives men crazy." \nI largely agree with Dr. Lori, except I believe men are straightforward as opposed to simple, and women complicate situations but are not themselves complicated. Our minor disagreements aside, Dr. Lori is definitely onto something. Namely, neither men nor women have a firm grasp on what makes the other side tick. Since women are still very much an enigma to me, I think it best that I largely focus on how guys perceive relationships. \nFirst and foremost, most men want women. Ladies, never ask a guy why he is into you. Men hate it when they get asked this question -- it is analogous to you asking us to tell you how great you are. We don't know why we feel the way we do for you -- we just know we are happy to be with you and happier still to wake up next you. On top of all that, we just left all our friends to hang out with only you. We don't ask for directions, so please don't ask us why we want you.\nOnce we decide we are interested, the courtship ritual begins. A lot of women lament the death of chivalry on campus. Back in the old days, when college for women meant the four years in between high school and marriage, men were supposedly refined gentlemen. Never would a lady have to open a door and heaven forbid if she arose from the table and all the men failed to stand up as well. These times are gone. But in homage to all the women on campus, I would like to kindly remind my fellow males that opening doors and buying flowers are still acceptable forms of courtship. Naturally, double-tall vodka tonics will continue to be accepted, as well. \nMen and women handle their friends' relationships very differently. Most guys respect who their friends choose to be with -- whether they like the girl or not. This does not preclude the normal everyday ridicule all men with annoying girlfriends must endure. Yet, men understand and respect that "who you fall for is who you fall for." Conversely, it seems women are much more apt to tell their friends that their boyfriends are bums. While this difference in the sexes may stem from the high number of bums in Bloomington, it is nonetheless something I have observed. \nAs for actually being in a relationship, there are a few key do's and don'ts all women should keep in mind. First, don't try to change your boyfriend. We are his friends, we like him how he is. (An exception to this rule is any hygiene improvements.) Second, let him go out. Relationships are based on trust, try to exercise it, ladies. It really is a sad phenomenon how guys disappear from the face of the earth because of their significant others' overbearing control of their lives. Third, keep the arguments to things that are important -- not calling "enough" and giving you "too little" attention are not reasons for an argument. \nMen are from Mars, and I obviously don't know where women are from. After four years of college, I have witnessed every way to screw up a relationship. Hopefully my additional insight will ensure your next relationship is a success.