Greeks, Rho Deltas and GDI's

Swing a dead cat by the tail at IU and you're likely to hit somebody in the Greek system. Just make sure the kitty doesn't have claws, or you might have someone's entire house chasing you all the way up North Jordan Avenue.\nGreeks, as an organization, are the most influential of all groups on campus -- the next being student government, with business majors as a distant third. Chances are, if you are reading this article, you belong to none of these factions. \nThe largest number of students belong to the great silent majority -- the independents. Unaffiliated with any group, independents are the undefinable mass that traverse the campus incognito, like thousands of extras in the background of a big-budget movie -- their cacophonous, disharmonious voices a gurgling murmur behind the main dialogue. All talk at once, and none are heard.\nStill, the expression of independent students can be found by those with keen eyes and ears -- scribbled in bathroom stalls, etched into the backs of classroom chairs and bursting forth in vulgarities from patrons leaving the bars of Kirkwood Avenue at 2 a.m. \nTheir sentiments are consistently anti-establishment and anti-Greek. For example -- this classic is scribbled in a Morrison Hall bathroom: "Fiji is the biggest bunch of fags I have ever seen. I would almost rather live in Collins than hang out with them."\nSome arguments can be found over and over -- Greeks buy their friends. Greeks think they are cooler than you because they drink more than you. Sorority girls are stuck up. Frat guys break things because they have small wieners. \nI would say it's all just a bunch of idle talk, but it's not even that -- it's just a bunch of random dudes who write things they wouldn't say in public on inanimate objects. Come on independents, where's your pride?\nIt used to be that being an independent meant something. There was a time when masochistically-inclined Greeks and independents would meet once a year in Dunn Meadow to beat the ever-living crap out of each other. I don't condone violence, of course, but my point is -- way back when -- independents had respect. \nNowadays independents are too disorganized to wipe their own butts -- a brown stain on the trousers of the student body. But how do you bring order to a group that has no ties to each other? Simple. Make them all part of the same organization.\nPretend, for a moment, the independents had their own fraternity.\nAll independent men will hereby be joined to the brotherhood of Rho Delta. Its meaning: random dudes.\nIndependent women, or GDIs, will be incorporated into the sisterhood of Gamma Delta Iota. Its meaning: GDI.\nAn independent fraternity and sorority would automatically become a formidable force in Indiana's already crowded Greek system. With memberships of more than 15,000 to draw from, RhoD and GDI could lead IU in philanthropy and intramurals. \n Naturally, the two would pair with each other for all the big campus events, and the effect of so much hooking up in Bloomington during Little 500 week would ensure IU generation after generation of legacy students. \n All the random dudes who get flak at frat parties can make one quick phone call, and before you know it, the halls will be teeming with Rho Deltas ready to chase every Greek would-be meathead all the way down North Jordan Avenue, across campus and through the Sample Gates. Then, after exercising their rediscovered strength, all the independents, belting out the official Rho Delta chant, would say:\n"Rho Delta, we love you! We are random through and through! We hate frats. Why don't you? Rho Delta, random dudes"