Larry, Moe and Scalia?

This is TV Turnoff Week. It actually started last Monday, so if you're just finding this out, please try to forget everything you saw on TV since then. Already done? Wonderful. Brought to you by the TV Turnoff Network, this group has a single-minded determination to make you (surprise!) turn off your television and go do something with your miserable life. That's not exactly how www.tvturnoff.org, phrases it, but I like to attach a patronizing tone when I think about these kinds of organizations. \nThe crux of the group's argument is TV makes you more stupid.\nOh, does it now? I'll have you know, TV turnoff-ing people, that thanks to my digital cable box, I know Barry Manilow wrote "One Voice" after he heard the song in a dream (thank you, "American Idol") and wearing bright-colored clothing complements pale skin ("Queer Eye for the Straight Guy"). Who's enlightened now?\nPerhaps I'm not building the strongest possible case for television up to this point. According to the TV Turnoff Network's facts and figures, a healthy 59 percent of Americans can name the Three Stooges but only 17 percent can name three Supreme Court justices. I just now tested myself and could name six. Frankly, I'm disappointed 41 percent of people polled could not come up with Larry, Moe and Curly. That, to me, is a sign of not enough television being watched. \nI must concede that you're probably better off outside in the fresh air than in front of the television -- even if it means doing something totally asinine like playing a sport. If I'm an average American, then I watch four hours of television each day. If this is the case, as I'm afraid it's dangerously close to being, I am not about to throw down the remote and kick a soccer ball around Woodlawn Field. Sensing my trepidation about embracing a week of no "West Wing" reruns, the TV Turnoff Network has seven suggestions for getting through it. One suggestion is to rejoice in the extra hour Daylight Saving Time has given us and go for a walk. Try again. Another activity the network recommends is having some fun on Earth Day (which was Thursday) by going on a hike. Apparently, the people who come up with these alternatives to television viewing have as much imagination as a CBS sitcom writer.\nIt's easy to sit here and make fun of these people, but the sad truth is they are the good guys. To be honest, I don't think I could go a whole week without any television if I had my choice. It keeps me company while I eat Wendy's in the family room, it's there for me when I can't sleep and it's always playing reruns of "M*A*S*H," just in case. \n So instead of a TV Turnoff Week, I propose a Better TV Week. Maybe there's a case to be made for TV making Americans fatter and more stupid, but that doesn't mean there isn't a single edifying thing about it. Instead of watching "E! Wild On …" consider flipping to the History Channel and learning about a Civil War battle. If you feel your mind becoming numb watching "The Osbournes," turn on the Food Network and learn how to make lasagna for your next date.\nTaking a walk through campus on a nice day is a great idea, but it won't teach you the names of the nine Supreme Court justices. Not watching TV does not inherently make you a better person, but watching the right TV just might.