Pistons put proclaimer in his place

As I dragged myself into the emergency room Tuesday night, all I could think was, "How did this ever happen?" \nAs the sounds of celebration carried through the waiting room from the overhead TV, I watched as the champagne went flying and the tears started flowing. How did something like this happen? When it hit me. It's simple, really. The better team won.\nWhile I waited for the doctor to see me, it all came clear. Better offense, defense, teamwork, hustle, rebounds, free throws and coaching led the Detroit Pistons to dominate the clearly inferior Los Angeles Lakers. So why did the guy whose picture accompanies this article tell you the 'Flakers' would fleece the Finals?\nObviously he didn't realize that Chauncey Billups would put on an NBA Finals MVP performance, averaging 21 points and more than five assists per game. Obviously he didn't see Rip ripping L.A. for 21 while Big Ben Wallace wiped the glass with 22 boards. \nObviously he never saw Detroit scoring 100 points, not even in overtime. I guess it just never occurred to the amazingly handsome author of the aforementioned column that Detroit had the offensive firepower to run and gun with the Lakers.\nObviously he didn't realize the mismatches on defense would plague the Lakers more than it would plague Detroit. That Fuldauer character predicted that the Pistons wouldn't be able to match up with Shaq, wouldn't be able to contain Kobe, wouldn't be able to solve Tex Winter's triangle. When actually, it was Shaq who couldn't get the ball, Kobe who couldn't get free and the triangle that failed to get the supporting cast the points they needed to keep the score close.\nGod, this is painful! Not only am I getting a vicious cramp in my leg, but the pain of having to admit I was wrong in my column hurts even worse. Where is that doctor, already?\nTrying to think of anything but the pain, I asked myself why I ever thought L.A. would be hungrier for a title than the Monsters from Motown? Shaq and Phil could retire without a win and not lose a wink of sleep over the missed opportunity. The two guys on the team who appeared to want a title most, Karl Malone and Gary Payton, seemed to run their mouths more than they ran on the court. Detroit scrambled for every loose ball and every long rebound, leaving everything on the court to win that ring. I can't say the same for a starting five that some said was among the best ever.\nWhen I predicted that if the constant drama hadn't sunk the Lakers' ship by now, she wasn't going down anytime soon. I failed to underestimate the destructive power that comes when spoiled millionaires squabble amongst each other.\nIf it weren't for the fact that my leg is numb from shock and turning blue, I'd be thrilled with L.A. not winning. Not only did they deserve to lose, they deserved to get beaten down by more than the final difference of 13 points.\nAnd, something I never thought possible sent an airplane full of purple and gold pouting back west -- Phil Jackson got outcoached. For a guy who won one NBA championship as a player and nine more as a coach, I never would have thought another coach could get the better of him. But kudos to Larry Brown for outdoing Jackson in every aspect of the game.\nIf I only had a dollar for every time this season that the Lakers showed up to the gym with the Playboy Mansion on their minds more than basketball, my outstanding bar tab at Yogi's could be taken care of by now.\nInstead, I've got to figure out a way to pay this doctor to surgically remove my foot from my mouth. I mean, after I wrote that Commissioner Stern can "Go ahead and hand out the trophy," my size 10 Reebok is wedged in there pretty good.\n"Number 65," the ER nurse attendant yelled through the waiting room.\nFinally, hours of watching SportsCenter highlights was over and my condition could get looked at, as I hopped out of my chair and into the examining room, the nurse chuckled and said, "We've got another sports writer for ya, Doc"