And the weiner is...

In my 22 years of watching sports, I'd like to think I've witnessed some of the most captivating moments in sports competition.\nI've witnessed some guy in a #23 jersey hit a step-back jumper to win the '98 NBA Finals, Kirk Gibson's walk-off home run in the '88 World Series, Buster Douglas knocking Mike Tyson into the next world and (my personal favorite) the Music City Miracle.\nNow, I know the sports world seems to slow down a bit during the summer, but nothing comes close to what I witnessed this past weekend.\nIn an international competition aired live on ESPN, "athletes" from around the globe gathered in Coney Island, N.Y., for the Nathan's famous hot dog eating competition.\nA hot dog enthusiast myself, I relished the opportunity to watch the world's best scarf down one of America's favorite foods. Already having sent several hot dogs down the hatch in my duty as an American, I watched, wondering how an everyday hot dog eater like myself compares to the best of the best.\nIn true ESPN fashion, bios of the eaters flashed across the screen and handicappers were eager to present onlookers with odds, of course, "for entertainment purposes only."\nAmong the seasoned competitors were the world's most famous eaters. In attendance were a world burrito eating champion, a scientist and an aerobics instructor, just to name a few. \nBut I had my money on the hometown favorite. Eric "Badlands" Booker, a 6-foot-4, 400-pound subway conductor from Long Island was my pony in the race toward gluttony. I mean, the story practically writes itself: hard-working American dominates the world in hot dog consumption on Independence Day. And come on, the nickname is cool.\nBut in a simple twist of fate, the big-boned Americans in the competition were shown up on the holiest of patriotic days.\nJapanese born, Paris Hilton-thin Takeru Kobayashi chomped through the competition by breaking his own previous world record, eating an astonishing 53 1/2 hot dogs in 12 minutes to run away with the coveted Mustard Yellow Belt.\nChomping away at four dogs per minute, "The Tsunami" blew away his competition by squeezing 15 1/2 more dogs in his 5-foot-7, 132-pound frame than the next closest consumer.\nNow, I know what you are thinking. This Kobayashi character has to be a figment of my imagination, much the way Kobayashi is in "The Usual Suspects." But I assure you, this is no joke.\nI watched, partly in awe, partly in horror as the dogs went buh-bye. In a well-planned strategy, Kobayashi worked on two of Nathan's finest at a time, eating the dogs side by side before dunking the water-soaked buns in his mouth.\nWith my jaw on the floor, I proceeded to watch as Kobayashi kept eating while his competition slowed. At one point, I thought the camera had panned away to prevent showing one competitor enjoying his hot dogs for the second time around.\nWhat was amazing wasn't so much the fact that dogs were disappearing faster than IU's athletic budget, rather that they were getting gobbled by someone the size of a circus performer rather than by someone the size of an elephant.\nTo add insult to injury, my man "Badlands" didn't even come close. Just like in golf when your drive fails to reach the ladies' tees, Booker should have been made to finish the competition with his pants down when he fell far behind the Nathan's rookie of the year, 105-pound Sonya "The Black Widow" Thomas.\nFinishing fifth with 27 hot dogs eaten, "Badlands" was determined to spend his offseason training for next year's competition, hoping to bring the title back to U.S. soil.\n"We aren't going to stop until we bring the belt back," Booker told ESPN.\nAnd I, for one, am on the "Badlands" bandwagon. \nWhile the Japanese can claim rights to manufacturing some of the best imported electronics, automobiles and baseball players, it is important for American morale that the Mustard Yellow Belt remain in the hands of the red, white and blue.\nBut until then, I jealously salute you, Kobayashi. Until Jeff Fuldauer, a 5-foot-8, 160-pound contender from Nashville, Tenn., makes a run at the belt in 2005.