Dear Harlan,\nMy son is in ninth grade and is a great kid. Our computer sits in the dining room, and while I don't actively snoop into who he is talking to online or what he's doing, I do look up from time to time. Last week I looked up and saw that he was discussing his sexual orientation. I know that questioning one's sexual orientation is a normal thing for a teen and doesn't necessarily mean anything. I don't want to dive in there to be part of his discernment process, but I do want him to know that I will support him regardless of the outcome. Can you suggest ways for me to do that without making a huge deal out of it? By the way, I am not sharing this info with my husband; he would make a big deal out of it and it's not my place to tell.\n Thanks, Mom
Dear Mom,\nOn a lot of the college campuses I visit, many offices are designated with a rainbow sticker or some other kind of symbol indicating that the office is a "gender safe place," meaning that the faculty and staff inside the office are equipped (and often trained) to offer support regarding sexual orientation. It sends a powerful message to students looking for allies.\nWhile your husband might not appreciate rainbow stickers on every doorway inside your house, the equivalent is reminding your son that you are there and will always be there for him to talk to. Tell him regularly that you will always love him and support him no matter what profession he pursues, what college he attends, what school activities he participates in or what gender he dates. Make sure he knows. One of the greatest fears of teenagers struggling with sexuality is the fear of rejection by family and friends. Thank you so much for your letter. It's a huge help to know that moms like you are out there for children who might come "out" one day.
Dear Harlan,\nI'm in love with a co-worker. I am her boss. We have kept it hush-hush for quite some time, but I am certain that everybody knows about it. I want to bring the relationship out in the open to the employees. How does one do this?\n Dating on the Job
Dear Dating,\nI can already hear the chatter in the break room: "So that explains her bonus, the new office and that promotion ... I can't believe I confided that her boyfriend, I mean boss, was a disgusting pig who should be hog-tied to the copier and rolled around the office ..." \nUnless you absolutely have to tell, don't. Your personal business is none of anyone's business at your place of business. Once everyone knows, there're office politics to contend with, harassment issues and general problems should your employees become uncomfortable or should you have to fire your sweetheart. Unless you're engaged, moving in together or feel that this absolutely has to be done, don't do it. \nIf you must tell, then do it outside of the office and only share with key personnel. Mention it over lunch. Let them know why you're sharing this information and that they can talk to you if they have any concerns. Mentioning it outside the office is worth pointing out, because outside of the office is the only place for this relationship. It's the only tone to set.
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