White Faces

When I was younger, I had a mental issue that is commonly referred to as "the awkward years," only mine were, well, weird. I didn't like the way I looked, but not because of acne or the 10 strands of hair growing in on my upper lip. \nI actually wanted a bigger nose, more defined cheekbones and dark brown skin. Basically I wanted to look like this statuette of an Aztec Indian that sat on my dresser. Lame, I know, but it's true. I just wanted to look more Mexican. My dad looked really Mexican, there is no mistaking him, but me, not so much. \nI have been mistaken for Italian and Greek by strangers, which didn't really bother me much but the other day, someone said something to me much worse. \nDuring a casual conversation on race, this person looked at me, grinned and said, "I see you as white."\nMy immediate response was to yell and insult back, but I restrained myself. That is probably one of the worst things someone has said to me in a long time and the worst part is, it was meant as a compliment. It was meant as a flattering remark because it signified that I didn't look like a typical Mexican. \nIt was an insult to my culture and myself. Later I explained my childhood issue with my appearance, but this person didn't get it. \nThis conversation brought to mind my childhood thinking and I realized I was a weird kid. Or was I? \nNowadays, so many Latinos, Asians, Africans, etc. want to look "white." African women are bleaching their skin to appear lighter, Asians are getting plastic surgery to enlarge the appearance of their eyes, Jewish people are getting nose jobs and everyone is bleaching their hair. \nEverywhere people of different ethnicity are denying their cultural identities, opting for a more European look. Exhibit A: The Jackson family. The funny part is that many people who already have fair skin, blonde hair and blue eyes are going tanning in an attempt to look more exotic. \nIt seems everyone wants to be white but white people. Our sense of beauty is a little mixed up.\nMaybe this means that I should take someone seeing me as white as a compliment; but I still don't. As a child all I wanted was to be accepted by people of my ethnicity and I wanted others to recognize that I was proud to be who I was. \nI still very much want that. It doesn't bother me if strangers don't recognize my ethnicity. I'm not going to walk the streets of Bloomington with a poncho over my shoulders and a sombrero on my head. However, I do expect people who know me to understand the pride I have in being who I am. \nEveryone wants to have that sense of belonging, whether it's from a racial group, gender group, etc. \nLuckily for me, "the awkward years" are over. I've accepted not looking like an Aztec warrior and have come to accept my white-Greek-Italian face just the way it is.