Applying for life

Full Legal Name: Richard Did The Last Four (OK, Five) Years Really Happen Newkirk\nAge: 23\nDOB: Saturday, really\nSocial Security: Not looking good\nHome Phone: The same one from my childhood. Again.\nAddress: I'm trying to address my insecurities and maturity level before it's too late.\nEducation: BA in journalism from Indiana University (!)\nPosition Applying For: Post-college graduation life\nReason For Applying: I've been in school for 17 years and they won't let me stay any longer.\nExperience: I'd like to think I have a lot, but let's be honest -- I'm starting from scratch here.\nKnowledge/Skills/Abilities -- List any KSAs you have formed over the last 4 (or 5) years: I learned how to cram lots of stuff in a tiny, cinder-block room; I'm adept at making freshmen share their mealpoints; and I also learned some useful career-related skills at college that I don't tell my friends about because they're not as funny.\nPrevious jobs: I worked at the Indiana Daily Student for the last 3 years, where I found a job, which became my career, and met my friends, who became my family. But now I have to leave to be with you, life.\nPhysical Exam\nDo you get any strange feelings?: Yes. You know that feeling after you leave middle school only to realize you're the short kid again, or graduating high school to become a freshman, and you find out you're not nearly as ready for life outside your parents' rules as you thought? Something like that.\nDo you have any heart conditions?: My pulse is racing at the thought of taking you on blindfolded. I might not be "ready," but I think the last 5 years have taught me that I can handle you, life.\nHow are your eyes?: Well, I can remember everything I did wrong in college, so I'm sure my hindsight is 20-20. But I have no clue what path I'll take with you, life, after I enter your ranks. Foresight is bleak.\nEars?: I can hear the fat lady, "Taps" and "Pomp and Circumstance" signaling the end of college. But a little further off sounds the overture and "Reveille," which remind me that the rest of you still awaits me, life. \nAre you scared?: I'd be lying if I said I wasn't, but fear is a motivator. Bring on anything you've got, life.\nWhen can you start?: I'll begin Saturday. There's a reason they call it "commencement"