IU basketball is like a newly single guy; we just got out of a situation in which we really liked the girl, but it just wasn't meant to be. \nWe had been in an often-rocky relationship before coach Mike Davis and sadly, he was the token "rebound girl" in this scenario. It was just never meant to last. Now we've got a ton of options, ranging from comely but risky to homely but safe. And to ensure a long, healthy relationship, we need to select someone whom we cannot only bring home to the IU family, but someone we can also take out on the town -- or on the sidelines -- and show off with pride. \nSo here's what I think about the likely candidates for the job using this analogy. I'm leaving out Gonzaga's Mark Few because there are too many unanswered questions about his candidacy at this point.
Steve Alford \nHis track record simply isn't worthy of this job. He's never been past the second round of the NCAA Tournament and Iowa has been up and down during the past few seasons. He won a Big Ten title this year with a senior-laden team, but a first-round loss in the NCAA's to 14-seed Northwestern State -- when the Hawkeyes surrendered a 17-point lead -- made him much less attractive. Also, the way he handled the Pierre Pierce incident in 2002 showed he is not exactly the stand-up guy IU fans deserve.\nIf IU hooked up with Alford, it'd be like we were dating the ex of a guy we don't like (Iowa), and we already know we're going to have to go to dinner at his house at least once a year. Can you say awkward? It's a bad choice because I don't want IU to be the guy whose boys constantly tell him he could be doing better.
Randy Wittman\nHe is a big unknown in this scenario. Wittman is a former Knight player and has been coaching in the NBA since 1992, including a two-year stint as Cleveland's head coach. Wittman is a somewhat safe choice, but it's difficult to tell exactly what we'd be getting. He's like a girl you get set up on a blind date with, who looks pretty cute when you first meet her but you're still cautious. What if she has a checkered past or a 6-foot-5 ex-boyfriend named Bubba who likes to get drunk and play with knives? Our buddies Isiah Thomas, Joe Hillman and Mike Woodson swear we'd love him, but do you trust their relationship advice? The Isiah-Larry Brown fling has been doomed for months; it's only a matter of time before they're done. We're looking for a more peaceful domestic arrangement.
Tom Crean\nThe current Marquette head coach has taken a formerly dormant program and made it into a national power in his seven seasons there. He took a Dwayne Wade-led Marquette team to the Final Four in 2003. He won 20 games this year in the Big East, including an upset of then-undefeated UConn. He's a master recruiter with deep ties in Illinois, Indiana and Michigan, as he was Michigan State's top recruiter and associate head coach under Tom Izzo before leaving for Marquette. Crean turns just 40 this weekend and those glasses he wears? Come on ladies, you know you love them.\nCrean is the trophy girlfriend for IU in this scenario. He's a 10 and the Hoosier nation would certainly embrace him because of his past success and his willingness to motivate the fan base, a lá Coach Hep. If IU started things up with Crean, we'd be the guy whose friends are completely jealous of him.\nPersonally, I want to be that guy. Let's get Crean in Crimson.
