Powder burn

After spending countless hours at the Student Recreational Sports Center, I believed that I had seen it all -- from women who are talented enough to complete a bicep curl with one arm while using the other to talk on their cell phone, to a man who frequently wore a black-and-white-striped unitard with his chest hair flapping in the air-conditioned breeze. However, my experience last Saturday afternoon topped them all.\nI saw a woman, makeup compact in hand, casually striding on the elliptical.\nI guessed I missed the memo. Note to self: Apply pressed powder while doing cardio.\nLogically speaking, I guess it makes sense. If a woman goes to the SRSC, she obviously wants to look her best. This requires refraining from all activities that would require her to sweat, exert excessive amounts of effort, break a nail or, heaven forbid, mess up her hair. Doing any of the preceding would be very unattractive and highly decrease her chances of scoring a date with the hottie on the incline bench. The SRSC, after all, is a place to socialize, not to work out.\nIf you want to get your lift on, go to that musty dungeon otherwise known as the Health, Physical Education and Recreation weight room. Nobody cares what you look like there. They're too busy trying to get in and get out before they hear "Buttons" by Pussycat Dolls for the fourth time (I just love B97 and their extensive playlist).\nBut at the SRSC, you must be Cover Girl-ready at a moment's notice. It is entirely feasible that the man of your dreams could be lifting in the other room, probably doing bench press or bicep curls, and coyly walk by you on the ellipticals to get a drink. This assumes prince charming doesn't remember that there is a water fountain in the other room and doesn't need to go into the cardio room, but I digress. You think he's going in there to look at you. He's not. He wants to stare at himself in the mirror while knowing there is entire row of Juicy Couture-clad girls looking at him. He has low self-esteem for reasons that cannot be mentioned in this column.\nNevertheless, gone are the days of wearing your old, ripped T-shirt and basketball shorts to the gym. They have been replaced by Maybelline mascara and Bonne Belle blush.\nSometimes I wonder if young women even remember what they look like without "putting on their face." Normally I just laugh and make fun of them when they are dressed in attire more appropriate for Kilroy's than the SRSC, but honestly, I do wonder. Would they shriek in utter disgust at their own makeup-less mugs? Or would they realize that they actually look better without seven layers of foundation?\nAll I do know is that I don't want to be around to hear that 100-decibel squeal. I'll happily pump my iron at the HPER and leave the vanity of the SRC behind.