At least my T-shirt can say 'nuclear'

I am not political. I would rather watch a "Meerkat Manor" marathon than watch a political debate. I'm too busy getting anti-Ugg boot petitions signed to read about Iraq, so my knowledge of politics is limited. \nBut this is what I know: I know our president can't pronounce the word "nuclear," and he's slightly less eloquent than an intoxicated 6-year-old. I know I miss Bill Clinton because he had a kinky sex life and he could play the saxophone! (I'm sure George W. Bush couldn't even play the recorder if he tried.) Most importantly, I know I'm a Democrat because their promotional T-shirt selection is a hell of a lot better.\nSearching for a clever Republican T-shirt is like trying to find fruits and vegetables in Raven Symone's fridge. You might find one lonely, moldy head of lettuce wedged among a lifetime supply of Nutrageous bars and ranch dressing. Similarly, if you look hard enough, you can maybe spot a "Bush Rocks!" or "I Heart War" ringer tee roaming the streets. Maybe. They might be on the clearance rack at Aéropostale.\nRepublican T-shirts can't be funny because, really, what do Republicans have to laugh at? \nWell, for one, they're depriving well-deserving couples of happiness and generous tax breaks because they have a different sexual preference. (Separation of church and state, yeah right).\nDemocratic T-shirts, on the other hand, are a riot. "Vote Bush: Fascism Rocks." Now that is funny. How about a graphic of some furry pubic hair next to our president's goofy face reading "Good Bush ... Bad Bush"? When was the last time a Republican made a political comparison using hairy genitalia? Actually, when was the last time a Republican admitted to even having genitalia?\n"I do not!" Roger Republican says. "There's nothing down there, I swear!"\nNow I'm not saying that Dems are better because they're witty and have great silk-screening connections. It's because donkeys are way better pets than elephants. They're a lot less demanding, and they don't require nearly as many peanuts.\nKidding! It's because Republicans are idealists and Democrats are realists, and idealists are never funny.\nFor example, we shouldn't make emergency contraception available to girls under the age of 16 because they shouldn't be having sex, right? Yeah, that's realistic. Let's just stop selling everything that's unhealthy or immoral: Marlboro Lights, Starbucks, velour sweatpants. That'll fix Congress' problems.\nMaybe if certain Republican members of Congress spent more time being honest about the country's issues and less time instant messaging "Do I make you horny?" to 16-year-old boys, we'd be in better shape. \nMy point is this: Republicans aren't funny because they're too busy dreaming about how the country should be. Democrats are funny because, well, Republicans give us a lot of motivation for ridicule. Also because we're just trying to be honest about the way things are. In the end, isn't the truth funnier than anything else?\nToday, the truth is the man running our country says words like "misunderestimated." Now that, America, is funny.