Blunt argument

If I weren't severely asthmatic, I would totally be a pothead. \nIt's unfortunate, really -- being robbed of such a glorious, mind-freeing drug by a physical handicap. It's by the same token Christopher Reeve didn't smoke pot -- his dealer lived on the second floor. \nIt would have been a bumpy ride up the "Stairway to Heaven." \nAlas, instead of puffing joints, I puff the Advair diskus, a flamboyantly purple asthma inhaler frequently, and ironically, advertised on the Oxygen channel. \nPolitically incorrect, I think -- like advertising coffins on Lifetime. \nNevertheless, there is one great benefit to being pot-free. I can provide a relatively unbiased opinion on the legalization of marijuana. After all, the only time I ever actually "got high" was right before the 2000 presidential elections.\nSo did everyone else, apparently. \nNow before you crazy right-wingers start pooping the angry-bricks, let me defend my qualifications for objectivity. \nFirst of all, aside from being gay, I have few liberal qualities. (Albeit, vaginaphobia is kind of a biggie.) Nevertheless, I am quite conservative. I rarely smoke or drink. I don't eat soy chunks. With the exception of Kerri Strug on my left butt-cheek, I don't have any tattoos. \nIn fact, I used to be staunchly against legalization. However, I realize now that my initial aversion to pot smoking was based on gross misconceptions. \nThis year, I have -- for the first time - been able to witness many pot smokers in action, observing these bong-huffing primates in their natural habitat. \nI've become Mary Jane Goodall, so to speak. \nThus, my perspective has shifted. I've gone from fully-opposed to half-baked. \nAll marijuana does is make people chill. It's comforting -- like smoking Oprah. Unlike alcoholics, pot heads are amiable and inviting, always willing to give you a handful of Cheetos and a deeply philosophical proverb. \nThe fact is, pot is an escapist drug and alcohol is a rapist drug. Liquor makes people do wildly inappropriate things. How many of you, for instance, have either witnessed or performed an act of public urination while intoxicated? On the auditorium? Out a window? In a Bank One parking lot, perhaps?\nOh wait, people are pissing at Chase now. I keep forgetting. Regardless, you get my point: Stoners do not pee on ATMs. Period. \nInstead, marijuana has physical, mental and religious benefits. Physically, marijuana helps relieve chronic pains and headaches. Mentally, it can help you commune with trees. Religiously, pot is very important because when you're high, church is much more entertaining. \nSo is watching "Xena: Warrior Princess" -- random, but true!\nFinancial benefits exist as well. As economist Stephen T. Easton explains in a recent study, if marijuana was legalized and taxed, we could transfer these profits to the government to provide better educational and environmental causes.\nThe bottom line: When it comes to legalization, try not to respond with such a knee-jerk, "drugs are evil" reaction. Do the research, witness the reactions and try it for yourself. \nIf you buy a "device," remember to name it "Colin Bongdale"