Dear Harlan,\nI am 24, and am beginning to enter the dating game after years of shyness. I dated a girl a few times last year, and we are still friends. Through Internet sites, I have gone out with seven different girls so far this year. These have not ended negatively; we just "didn't click" for one reason or another. Keep in mind, I didn't date at all until I was 20, and that didn't go so well. I am getting better at accepting rejection and being at ease with myself in social situations. I have made progress -- I realize that -- and it's encouraging. Nonetheless, I still, at times, can't help beating myself up for being my age without having had a relationship, something that seems to come so naturally to everyone else. Also, I find that sometimes, after facing rejection, it's as though all my failures come rushing back at me, taunting me. How does one let go of the past? How does one sustain oneself on a difficult journey such as this? \nNew to Dating
Dear New,\nThe dating game is a brutal game of sport, where even the most gifted and attractive players can feel like failures. If you want to win, here are two things you MUST do: \n1) Give people you like permisson to not always like you. The Universal Rejection Truth of Dating and Relationships says that not everyone we like can always like us. The URT is unavoidable, but yet, most people spend life running from it. Accept it, embrace it and appreciate it. Then, when faced with rejection, instead of beating yourself up, figure out the reason(s) why things went bad. If you can't find the answer, blame it on the URT.\n2) Train for the sport of taking risks. Like a boxer who enters the ring, unless you train to be your best, after a few rounds you'll get knocked out. Training means working to be your absolute personal best physically, emotionally and spiritually. It also means having great people in your corner to remind you always that you are attractive, desirable and someone worth dating. \nIf you can give the world permission to not always like you and you can train to take risks, taking risks in love (and life) will become more about seizing opportunities than avoiding rejection. Not only will you win the dating game, you'll discover a life driven by passion instead of one paralyzed by fear (or shyness).
Dear Harlan,\nI am 15 and have trouble getting girlfriends. I like a girl, but I want to like her without being annoying or scaring her off. \nUnlucky Dude
Dear Unlucky Dude,\nHow many girlfriends do you need? \nIf you already have one and you're looking for more, you're going to be annoying and scare girls off. Assuming you're just looking for one good one, appreciate that part of taking risks when it comes to love means possibly being annoying (but not scary). Accept the truth that someone you're interested in could be annoyed when you express your interest. But not taking the risk and never giving that person the opportunity to be with you can be far more annoying -- especially if that person likes you and is waiting for you to say something. Be genuine, speak from your heart, don't commit to more than one girl, take a risk after risk and appreciate that "annoying" is a risk worth taking
