Mean but green

Like every good child from a liberal family, I was raised with the belief that Wal-Mart's existence was nothing less than the work of the devil. I learned that it represented capitalism gone awry: It squelched small businesses, had some very questionable labor practices and stole your soul. Besides, that happy face just got annoying after a while.\nThat is why making this confession might very well be one of the hardest things I will ever have to do in my life:\nWal-Mart is no longer on my bad list.\nNow while I wait for the sky to open and the lightning bolt to strike me, let me at least explain my position. \nBelieve it or not, Wal-Mart has gone green. \nThat's right: The world's largest retailer and the inspiration for such Facebook groups as "Wal-Martians Are Taking Over the World" and "Wal-Mart Is Really the Seventh Circle of Hell and I Have Thought About Burning It Down" has taken it upon itself to lead the way in environmental sustainability.\nIt's moments like this that make you question your morals. \n"Our environmental goals at Wal-Mart are simple and straightforward," reads a fact sheet from Wal-Mart's corporate headquarters. "To be supplied 100 percent by renewable energy; to create zero waste; and to sell products that sustain our resources and our environment."\nAlthough Wal-Mart's motives are probably centered on cost-cutting and world domination, I can't dispute the facts:\nDuring the next three to five years, Wal-Mart plans to purchase all its wild-caught fish for the North American market from Marine Stewardship Council-certified fisheries and is hyping new products that are less harmful to the environment. In addition, it promises to double the efficiency of its imperial fleet -- er, uh, delivery trucks -- within 10 years. \nBut that's not all. The supercompany will make changes to its electrical systems to conserve energy and plans to work with suppliers to reduce product packaging and thus eliminate waste. Finally, Wal-Mart is partnering with the National Fish and Wildlife Foundation to preserve one acre of wildlife habitat for every acre Wal-Mart has developed and will develop for the next 10 years. \nWhy, Wal-Mart, why? Has your creepy happy face developed a green thumb (despite its lack of all other body parts)? Or is it all a ploy to get suckers, like yours truly, to give in to the dark side?\nRegardless of its reasons, once Wal-Mart has gone eco-friendly, I would venture to say Target will do the same, and once Target is in on it, the rest of the world will surely follow suit (because come on, everyone loves Target!). \nSo congratulations, Wal-Mart, on a job well done. Give yourself a pat on the back, and enjoy the realization that the environmentalists of the world support your efforts -- or at least are too confused to denounce you as the spawn of Satan, as is their custom. \nJust don't get used to it.