Miserable miles

After searching many years for the most ridiculous thing a person could possibly do, my hunt abruptly halted in Columbus, Ohio, where I ran a marathon. That's right, a full marathon, 26.2 miles of pure pain and chafing galore.\nI'm sure we have all heard the cliché lines about life: Life is like a box of chocolates, life is like a roller coaster, life is like a big game of nude paintball, etc. I would like to add to this list: Life is like a marathon.\nJust like a new baby being formed in the womb, the runner must spend months upon months training and preparing for the real deal. Also like a newborn, when the race begins, the start is very crowded, and therefore one must "push" through the mass of people, like to a baby pushing \nthrough ... well, you know what I'm getting at.\nWhen the gun goes off, you get a burst of energy. Just like a small child, a runner easily makes it through the first 10 miles with positive thoughts and plenty of liveliness.\nThe next 10 miles might be compared to the middle-aged years of a person's life. The energy starts to seep out of you, and you may even have a mid-life crisis. Negative thoughts start to trickle into your mind.\nThe last 6.2 miles are when the elderly characteristics and mindset take over. Suddenly, you hate \neverything and everyone. Your joints ache, your head hurts and you lose the ability to smell your own stench. The only thing you want to do is give up.\nBut you can't give up. The streets are lined with people who are there encouraging you. They all hold signs with phrases like "Got Chafe?" and "It's all downhill from here." I even encountered one shirtless man with the words "You are amazing" written on his chest. Yes, shirtless men think I'm amazing. \nEven though I have always known how amazing I am, it was very comforting to have it reaffirmed virtually every two minutes by people I didn't know. Also, I have never had so many free things thrown at me in my entire life. I believe this was everyone's way of paying me tribute. Either that or they were working for the Columbus Marathon and were actually being paid to shower us with Gatorade and Power Gel. Nonetheless, there are always people there who support you and want you to succeed.\nEven though life (or a marathon) can be hell, you have to get through it, and at least try to enjoy the ride. Plus, you already paid your $85, and you might as well milk each mile for all it's worth ($3.24, to be exact). \nEven though it was easily the most miserable experience of my life, I can't really hate marathons. After all, it did give me a pretty kickass metaphor.