Online Only: Gertrude vs. Fergie

I can't take it anymore. I'm calling for revolution.\nAfter rereading Gertrude Stein's wonderful "The Autobiography of Alice B. Toklas," I couldn't help but ask, what happened to our culture? \nAllow me to explain:\nIf you don't know Gertrude, she was the writer of novels, plays, poems and an (auto)biography of her lover, Alice B. Toklas. Gertrude was also best friends with Pablo Picasso, another American in Paris, and tight with the likes of Matisse and Hemingway. They'd hang out, talk about art and poetry, eat, drink, start artistic movements like cubism and modernism and change the face of art as we know it. Sigh. A lifestyle oozing with intellectual stimulation: That's what I call living the dream.\nI'll admit I'm too hopeful sometimes. I have reveries of Pulitzers for napkin scribbles and a Nobel Prize for improving the style of those around me. Who doesn't have these ridiculous fantasies? I, of course, am aware that they are silly, but they can't be helped.\nAnd I guess you could say one of my ridiculous fantasies is being the next Gertrude Stein, hanging with the new Lost Generation and starting a new artistic movement, or, dare I say it, a society of intellectuals -- you know, helping people have good taste.\nSo that's it. I'm calling for revolution. I know it's ridiculous, but what happened to art? It's all become so esoteric, which would be fine except that it means the masses just aren't interested. And this means the vast majority of people are, well, crass. I see shows like "Yo Mamma" and "Parental Control" and hear songs like Green Day's "Boulevard of Broken Dreams" and -- perhaps the greatest example of the death of taste in mainstream culture -- Fergie of the Black Eyed Peas' horrendous "London Bridge." Let me go on record as saying this is the worst song I have ever heard, and I would venture to say it is the worst song ever written and recorded. I wrote a song about cleaning my room while waiting for someone when I was 7. The whole song was played on black piano keys, and I would say that song is better than "London Bridge." \nRegardless, though, what happened to poetry? The "Facebook Favorite" for literature at this University (and all of Facebook) is "The Da Vinci Code." Um, for real? If Dan Brown is your favorite writer, you just aren't reading enough books.\nThis is a call for sophistication to return to the masses. What if we became a more refined society? Martha Stewart is doing her part. She's brought some classy hand towels to Kmart, and I appreciate that. And sure Martha's done time, but let's be honest: White collar crime is to blow as blue collar crime is to crack. There is a whole world of fine arts and fine dining that today's society is just overlooking in favor of Larry the Cable Guy and McDonald's. I'm done with this middle-school attitude that has taken over adult culture. Who's with me?