Online Only: It's Your Life

"Have you been going to church?"\n"Mom, every time I go, every prayer I say feels like a lie."\nPause.\n"Well, I'm glad you're going to church."\nMy parents, upon whom I am -- regrettably -- financially dependent, have implemented a new rule that requires I attend a legitimate Sunday service each week. I can see where they are coming from. Really, I can. What I can't do, though, when it comes to something as important as faith and spirituality, is lie. In fact, when it comes to any part of my essence or my soul, I can't reconcile being anything but honest.\nMy parents have had a few days with me that probably made their hair a little grayer -- the day I said I wasn't Catholic, the day I said I was an actress, the day I said I was no longer an actress (YES!) but now a poet (Oh.), and this is not even bringing up all the smaller instances of letting them down over the years with bad grades, car accidents, negligence of household duties and other general evidence of my irresponsibility. My room is messy; I'm hopelessly lazy; I'm stubborn and self-righteous. And all of this drives my parents insane. And they tell me how insane it drives them. It drives them very insane.\nBut, I really can't care. And if I weren't financially dependent, I really wouldn't care. I love my parents, and I am pretty sure they love me too and that transcends the expectations they have for me and my life.\nOne of my roommates is currently going through a quarter-life crisis. She was raised in a family of dentists and has wanted to join their ranks since age 6. However, she hates her chemistry classes and has a passion for art. Every semester, she comes to the same crossroads: Am I doing the right thing? She asks this question of both her mother and I, and, as can be expected, we are the angel and devil on her shoulders (not necessarily respectively). Her mother has expectations for her to be a dentist, to lead a legitimate life free from financial insecurity. I have the expectation for her to live her passions, to create, to inspire, and be inspired. I tell her to get an art history degree and work in a gallery. I want her to tell her mother to stick it because it's her life, and it's short, and if you aren't doing art, what are you doing anyway?\nIt's a question of legitimacy, of validating your life. And I guess what I'm trying to say is that parents shouldn't be the source of this validation. You should be your own. It's tempting to seek your parents' approval as a means of feeling good about your life choices. But ultimately, it's your regret and your time that's been wasted on something your parents, and not you, were passionate about. So tell your parents, respectfully, to shut up, and do what you want.