What the F?

It was recently brought to my attention that many of my peers -- even some I consider very thoughtful and intelligent -- understand feminism and feminists as something inherently bad or, at least, scary and aversive.\nSo I am here today, friends -- boys and girls alike -- to dispel some unfortunate myths about what it means to be a feminist. I hope to do so as sarcastically and arrogantly as possible (not because feminists are arrogant -- only yours truly). \nA complimentary snack of unsalted cashews and Diet Sprite will be distributed halfway through. Sit back and enjoy!\nMyth #1: I can't be a feminist because I like dudes.\nIt is false to presume all feminists are lesbians. Take me, for example. The American Heritage Dictionary defines feminism as "belief in the social, political and economic equality of the sexes" -- not, as you might presume from media texts depicting feminists as crazy women who eat men, kill babies in the name of freedom and have sex with other women. Of course, some feminists are lesbians. But some feminists are also Spice Girls.\nMyth #2: I can't be a feminist because I am a dude.\nNot true -- one needn't have a vagina to be a feminist. Any human advocating total equality of the sexes is a feminist, whether he likes it or not.\nMyth #3: I can't be a feminist because I wear makeup and midriff-bearing attire.\nThis is reminiscent of Myth #1 and media depictions suggesting that only women who don't care about their looks, carry a shrubbery of unshaved hair under their armpits and are averse to anything feminine can be feminists. \nFalse, but funny.\nIn fact, all of the women I know who identify themselves as feminists shave the parts of their body society prefers hairless. Are we conforming and being regressive as we do this? Only if we are shaving so we can pose for Playboy and capitalize on our sexuality.\nMost feminists aren't against that which is feminine -- only that which is feminine and also submissive, weak and powerless.\nMyth #4: I can't be a feminist because gender equality already exists and it's not necessary to advocate it.\nFor me, this one is the worst of all. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but if you believe full equality has been reached, you are living under a false consciousness. Working women in the United States earn less than men in the same professions. Women are still vastly underrepresented in Congress, thus laws regulating their bodies (e.g., abortion) are made largely without their voices. \nOne of my male peers recently expressed his disregard for many feminists because they don't seek equality, but rather superiority to men.\nFeminist scholar and writer Gloria Steinem probably has the best response to this suggestion: "The first problem for all of us, men and women, is not to learn, but to unlearn. We are filled with the popular wisdom of several centuries just past, and we are terrified to give it up"