Fat is phat but skinny is in

I have a love/hate relationship with my boyfriend, Denim. Sometimes he shrinks and doesn't perform very well. Sometimes he compliments my ass, so I let him get close and touch me inappropriately. Our relationship is unstable, but I know this much is true: I like skinny boys, but I love skinny jeans.\nBacktrack to the fifth grade when I got my first pair of wide-leg jeans. I had convinced my mom that Bush frontman Gavin Rossdale would never love me without them, and she finally caved and bought me two pairs of SilverTab wide-leg denim miracles from JCPenney. It was like the Messiah had come. \nTwo years later, I wouldn't be caught dead in them. Those wide-leg jeans were so far out of the closet, they might as well have been Lance Bass. Flares were in. Everyone who was anyone could have fit six machetes and a chain saw in the calf area of her jeans. And if you went to my junior high, you know they probably did. \nAround junior year of high school, the flare jean caught Mudd brand sleeping with the entire basketball team. Its reputation was tarnished. But thankfully, the bootcut fit came to its rescue. It still had sass, but at least it had boundaries. \nAnd now, in my junior year of college, it's all about the skinny jean. Finally. Tapered legs are hotter than Flavor Flav. And they make your ass look deelishus. \n"After years of bootcut denim dominance, slim cuts -- à la '80s punk rock -- are squeezing back into the fashion vernacular," wrote USA Today fashion correspondent Alison Maxwell in an April article. \nKate Moss wears 'em all the time. And everyone wants to be Kate Moss. Sure there's that heroin addiction and the fact that her boy Pete Doherty looks like an advertisement for suicide, but Kate is a freakin' bombshell in her teeny-tiny jeans.\nOne of the great things about skinny jeans is that they look good on a lot of people, not just Kate. Don't be deceived by the name. Skinny jeans aren't only for skinny people. If that were the case, they'd have to rename apparel made for fat people "velour fat pants" or "I'm-so-puffy vests." For most people, skinny jeans make the legs appear longer, creating an illusion of slenderness. \nRemember when your mom used to melt cheese on your broccoli so you'd eat it? The broccoli still tasted like broccoli, but it was covered in a deceiving layer of gooey pasteurized goodness that you just couldn't resist. Wearing skinny jeans is like covering your body in melted cheese. You just look better.\nAnd you know this trend is big when even the god-forsaken College Mall is selling skinny jeans. They sell them everywhere, from Macy's to Charlotte Russe. \nLucky magazine fashion director Hope Greenberg wrote: "A year ago, you couldn't even find them in the mall, and now it has absolutely trickled down."\nSo true. Last Christmas, I bought a long sought-after pair of skinnies at my favorite fashion-forward mecca, H&M, and people stared at me like I was walking a goldfish on a leash around campus. Now they're flying off the shelves at Forever21 faster than Ugg boots and cut-up sweatshirts in New Jersey.\nI have a feeling this trend is staying around, too. I mean, where else can it go? It started wide, but then it saw a photo of Calista Flockhart and started feeling bad about itself. And it has been sweating off the pounds ever since. Maybe when Calista breaks out of a size 00 -- or Kirstie Alley fits into it -- the trend can end.