Hey Harlan,\nIt's Friday night, and I'm here in my room. Nobody invites me anywhere. I get along with my roommates, but they don't invite me anywhere, and the people in my hall already have cliques, and I can't fit in. I'm already in a ton of clubs, but my friends in those clubs have lives outside of the clubs. It was like this in high school, too. I didn't have a social life. I just don't understand why people don't ask me to come along with them when there's a party. I talked to my resident about this, and he said to do what I want to do, and not what other people want (drinking and stuff). Drinking isn't really my thing, but the reason why it isn't is because nobody invites me to do it in the first place. I don't know why people just don't invite me anywhere, maybe it's because I'm so plain-looking? Sure, people acknowledge me and say hi, but nothing more. What can I do?\nLonely
Dear Lonely,\nIf all of the people who were alone in their rooms on the weekends had connecting doors, they could open their doors and see each other all alone. Then it wouldn't be so lonely. \n The problem isn't your looks -- it's that you're looking for someone to create a social life for you. Unlike life before college (in high school), friends don't spontaneously appear. You have to put yourself in places where friends can happen. The only friends found in your room are MySpace and Facebook friends (they don't count). \nSo, if you aren't getting invitations, do something that doesn't require being invited. Get a job or volunteer as part of the group that plans events on the weekend. Consider working at a restaurant. Experiment with faith-based group activities or Greek life. Finding friends means finding the door and getting out of your room. So get out. Be patient, and go. Now. Seriously. Stop reading and go.
Hi Harlan,\nMy boyfriend and I have been together for a month and a half. I am a virgin, and he's not. We are not planning on having sex anytime soon, but when we are kissing he always wants to get more physical. I've told him that I'm not ready. He's waited, but always wanted to know why I'm not ready, which I honestly don't know the answer to. Recently, I told him I thought I was ready to try things out beyond kissing. But after this, I felt uncomfortable. Now I am stuck having to tell him that even though we've already gone past kissing, I am still not ready. I need help figuring out how to tell him and help making him understand that his questioning makes me frustrated, because I don't know the \nanswer.\nConfused and Not Ready
Dear Not Ready,\nThe beautiful thing about not being ready is that you don't need to know or explain why. Maybe your being uncomfortable is about him not being the right person to share this with. Maybe being uncomfortable is just you not being emotionally ready. Tell him that when you're ready, you'll let him know. Explain that you don't know when you'll be ready and can't explain it. But when you do know, you'll tell him. Until then, he needs to respect that you don't need to know why. And let him know that if he pressures you, you'll never be ready.
