Dear Harlan,\nI have two bachelors' degrees -- one in business, one in art (painting). I "fit in" more with the art crowd than I do with the business crowd. Now I'm getting my MBA. I have tried my hardest to prove my worth: I help others study and get organized, go to meetings, maintain the class calendar, co-chair two committees and am senator of the class. Despite all of this, no one takes me seriously! The very students I try to help only seem to take advantage of me. I've had a married man (a cohort MBA) follow me into my apartment and try to have sex with me (granted, he was drunk), and several other students try to take me out, date me and have sex with me, but they never take me seriously when it comes to what is in my mind. They assume that because I'm the "artsy" girl, I am there for free love and drunken debauchery. Even the advisers ignore me and tell me to stick with working in some art gallery. This feedback is making me question my own value. I'm not sure how to handle it. \nAll Business
Dear All Business,\nI'd say half of the people don't understand you, and the other half don't know you. This isn't about people taking you seriously, it's about you feeling respected. What more can you do? Forget focusing on how others see you, work on how you see yourself. Respect takes time. It takes overcoming prejudices. It takes unrelenting effort and belief in yourself. When someone says something that rubs you the wrong way, instead of getting frustrated, tell that person, "It doesn't feel like you respect me, and that makes me uncomfortable." Educate others. Be willing to allow them to educate you. And work to find a professional network where you can surround yourself with other female MBAs who have gone down this path and earned respect along the way.
Dear Harlan,\nI recently started a new job. On my first day, I met this incredibly nice guy. Since I met him, he has been infatuated with me. I'm just not attracted to him. Anyway, he asked me to a movie and I told him that I wanted to go but had other arrangements for that time. I just ended up going to a party with him after my "other plans" were through. All night, he had his arm around me and asked me to be his "girl." I told him I don't want a relationship, but he continued acting the same way and asked me to kiss him. I told him no and that I didn't want to lead him on. Since then, he's been acting just like he did before at work, calling me beautiful and hitting on me. It's a stupid question, but how do I get this guy to lose interest in me? I want to be his friend (he's so nice), but that's all.\nBothered at Work
Dear Bothered at Work,\nYou've told him once, now tell him to Google "sexual harassment." Stop being so nice. If he puts his arm around you, move it. If he says something suggestive, tell him it makes you uncomfortable. If he doesn't get it, tell him, "You're a nice guy, but I can never be with someone who doesn't respect me and listen to me." If he doesn't stop, talk to your manager. Document it. It's not acceptable, it's not cute -- it's creepy, and it has to stop.
