Out of mind

Since it usually takes me more than just one class to finish a crossword, if I finish it at all, I've come to think of the daily puzzle as my monochrome babysitter: She doesn't really care what I'm doing so long as I don't bother anyone with my pesky questions. \nAs I rack my brain for a seven-letter word meaning "cautious," the professor can go on ad nauseam. It's a sort of a symbiotic relationship that keeps the teacher out of my hair and me out of his. Without this arrangement, one or both of us would be forced to contribute to a discussion neither of us wants to have on the literary merits of some 13th-century shepherd's spiritual awakening. Fortunately, crosswords satisfy the same biological urge to block out the people around you that television does.\nIt makes me wonder if crossword designers feel as guilty as the parents interviewed in a CNN/Parenting.com article about how parents use the television as a nanny. The article, "The truth about moms and TV: Our love-hate relationship with the tube" follows a handful of parents considered to be part of the 85 percent of caretakers who "say they turn on the TV or pop in a DVD or video 'sometimes or often' to get tasks done around the house." \nNearly all of the parents said they felt some level of remorse for spending so little time with their smelly, dribbling offspring, and none of them were able to defend the television itself, or the channels being aired, as a respectable source of educational programming. But can we really harbor any ill will to these parents of ornery little brats? Why aren't we blaming the kids? They're the ones actually watching TV.\nIf you can walk, you can plow. Let's get these kids to work. A family of four could upgrade to digital cable with the hi-def package at literally no cost if parents put the kids who watch it in the fields and the factories. \nWe know that young viewers are especially susceptible to violent tendencies, insensitivity and obesity. We also know that children are a huge pain who no one would ever want to deal with. Since there's no eating the cake and having it too, a choice must be made: "Veggie Tales" or vegetable pickin'.\nSure, we can let our children be corrupted by the catchy advertising jingles of faceless multinational corporations, but nothing builds character like a tragic farming disaster involving a diesel tractor, a chicken coop and 500 metric tons of bovine waste. \nThe life of an adult is far more complex than any 4-year-old could ever comprehend. We need to start acclimating our children to the tough realities of life. Once children have matured enough to realize how little they want to do with family and friends, only then can we can reintroduce the boob tube -- or at least let them do crossword puzzles.